


Thessalonians 5:21

by Persipnei



Series: 3:16 [3]
Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Bland descriptions of sex, Cringey Lyrics, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Twitter, past toxic relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23603029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persipnei/pseuds/Persipnei
Summary: Those were his actions.Things he did and couldn't erase.And sadly, things that were filmed and photographed.They posted a couple of things but the one they repeated the most was a short clip of a concert back in 2012, a few months before the overdose that almost killed him. Snafu couldn't remember what happened or what he did on stage, but he remembered the chat he had once he was somehow conscious and how defensive he got with his bandmates and Ack Ack when they dared to imply that it was impossible for him to continue like that.ORThey won’t leave our Merry alone when he sure deserves to be happy!!
Relationships: Merriell "Snafu" Shelton/Eugene Sledge
Series: 3:16 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1382500
Comments: 19
Kudos: 28





	Thessalonians 5:21

**Author's Note:**

> The characters of this story are based on their fictional representation from the TV show. I mean no disrespect to the real veterans.
> 
> It took FOREVER for me to update this series and I am super tired and I finished proofreading this way past my bed time, so if you see more typos than usual... ;)  
> Anyway, while Ephesians was more about Eugene, this third part is mostly about Snafu. So, let's see what you think!
> 
> Please, for my sake, let's ignore the bad lyrics and the bland smut. I... Eh. I am trying to improve but it's not easy, for real.  
> I hope this will help you distract a little bit from this strange situation we are living.

**JANUARY, 2017**

Snafu brushed his hair back; his neck and arms were soaked. Those lights made him look great, sure, but also made him sweat like a goddamn pig. He shoulder checked Burgie as he walked past him, grinning when the guitarist cursed him. He bounced towards Bill, briefly checking the set list, to see what they were going to play next.

“What about a little tribute?” Bill teased behind the drums. Snafu could barely hear him before he began to set a beat that was fairly easy to recognize.

The audience _roared_.

“You asshole.” Snafu snorted before he stepped back, lightly biting the tip of his tongue.

There's never a second of silence in a concert. They are there to fill the void; people paid to be entertained, but his throat needed a little break here and there. A random cover is always welcome, even more if it was from an iconic band. Burgie and Jay followed Bill's lead and Snafu turned around, facing their public.

“That what you want me to sing, now?” Snafu brought the mic to his lips, arching an eyebrow. _Oh, yes, yes, yes!_ “Let's see if I remember how it goes.” And they were so into it, that they began to sing for him and the frontman only had to sing along. All of this because Bill Leyden was a bastard and that he felt like making fun of Snafu's official —granted, he was still over the moon about it— and very Catholic boyfriend. Just wait until that drummer gets a new girlfriend, he will get his revenge. “ _Take second best put me to the test,_ ” and everybody then got louder. Who wasn't in the mood for a little Depeche Mode, here and there? Snafu could impersonate Dave Gahan just fine. He could prance around the stage just like him too. _“things on your chest you need to confess.”_ Snafu approached the very edge of the stage and crouched. _“I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver..._ ” That last word dripped from his lips before he lowered the mic and licked his mouth. They screamed and he saw them bounce up and down, like a dark sea enlightened by the static lighthouse that was the screen behind the band. Red, white and yellow over thousands of bodies.

Would his boy be okay with his? The bass, guitar and drums kept going. And so did the audience, but he was no longer singing — _Reach out and touch faith!_ —. Snafu stood up and whistled. “Hey, hey! Pipe down!” he chuckled and stepped back. “Nah, nah, nah. C'mon. I can't sing this. My boy is a _believer_. You're gonna get me into trouble!”

That was the end of the video and Snafu leaned back on the armchair again. The audience in the studio cheered and clapped when given the signal. Television interviews, there's anything worse than this? Everything so planned; so artificial. Must be why he was the only one there and the rest of the band weren't. That and the fact that they simply _won't_ do interviews with him.

“Your boy.” the host repeated, willing to talk about the issue. They had Eugene's version of the story, now they were aching for Snafu's.

“My boy.” Snafu replied, keeping his eyes on the audience. Then he blinked and looked at him from the corner of his eyes. Snafu would easily lose composure if someone said something about him. Again, who said that Eugene was okay with him publicly talking about him? Sure, he gave an interview but it was mostly about sharing a part of himself he tried to suffocate and ignore for so long. His darling boy, he deserved good things only. He would defend him until the very end.

“This boy, maybe?” the host asked as he put the issue of January of the magazine Haguenau with Eugene right on the cover.

Snafu couldn't help but smile briefly, but of course, he made a whole act ouf of it. “Lemme see...” he leaned forward, reaching out to turn the magazine a bit towards him, making the work of the cameraman a little harder. He recognized that hair, that big and beautiful nose, those eyes, that pale skin and the way he stood. He recognized him and loved him. To the very last bit there was of him. Snafu felt both pride and amusement, just to remember the very awkward photoshoot and how Eugene suggested the idea of just using an old picture. That there was no need for a new one. Looking that good and being humble? That made no sense to him. The way people cheered as soon as they could see him on the cover proved him _right_. Snafu grinned wider, feeling proud of his partner. He poked the magazine with a finger and nodded: “That him, yeah.”

“He has said some interesting things about you.” he continued, opening the magazine. For the very first time during the interview, Snafu showed some interest, crossing his leg and leaning more over the arm of his seat, trying to look at the pictures. He memorized every word written and every expression captured.

“Has he?” He would, still, pretend to be very casual about it. “I mean, someone had to, _eventually_.” Maybe he was growing a little tired of those who only saw him only as a sexual deviant with a very horrible past —there were still plenty of videos on the Internet to prove those rumors right—. Snafu has been interviewed countless of times and not once he ever saw himself reflected on what those journalists said about him.

“What do you mean with that? Would you say th—”

“What did he say?” he urged him, ignoring the question. It didn't help he was still impossible to interview.

“Uh... Right. Let's see if we can get it on the screen... There we go!” Snafu turned his head and leaned forward, with his forearms over his knees. “ _Merriell is..._ ” he began to read but quickly stopped himself. “He calls you Merriell?”

“It's my name, believe it or not.” Snafu was already smirking. He smacked the host's table a couple of times. “ _Go on_.”

The man cleared his throat and blinked. “Uh. Yeah.” he nodded before he resumed reading: “ _Merriell is magnetic. It sounds like an overused term, but there's no other way to describe him. He's brash and doesn't care much about how people react to what he says or does. He's free like many of us would want to be. He knows what he means and because he is so sure of that, he doesn't care if he comes off as displeasing or unlikeable. At first you wouldn't think that about him, but he is incredibly honest. He has very firm convictions, but he is still seen through this filter of fame and scandals. That easily diluded his image and people seem to be unable to notice what there is behind that persona and his charisma as a frontman. I can understand, he is a breathtaking performer, but he is even far more fascinating as a man._ ”

Oh, to be known by his words only! Snafu would have blushed back in the past, but that description was the man he wanted to be. Perhaps that one that he _already_ was but no one could see. Only Eugene. And perhaps, if he was the one —that loved him so well and caringly—, it was more than enough for Snafu. He leaned back again and played with the collar of his shirt. He looked at the host and arched an eyebrow: “Yeah. So?”

“He speaks wonderfully about you.” Snafu only hummed as an answer. “Must be because you two haven't been together for long.”

That didn't sit well with Snafu. They truly wanted him to be a complete bastard, didn't they? They were desperate for this to be yet another failure. They would love it if he broke Eugene's heart, because he looked so sweet and innocent. Because Eugene minded his own business and decided to date a man who went through fucking Hell, they felt the need to infantilize him like he didn't know what they fuck he was doing.

“What are you tryna say with that?” Ack Ack told him many times to not show that he felt attacked during interviews. To not lash out and to make sure to give the interviewers the chance to explain themselves or let him understand if it was only a joke.

“When did the relationship begin? _Officially_.” Because, by now, anyone knew about the whole mess of Eugene being caught in New Orleans and how then he refused to talk about it until the magazine was released.

“November.” The fourth of November, to be exact. Since Eugene's 30th birthday.

“That's barely three months!” The audience laughed along with him and it was pissing him off. _Big time_.

“So?” Snafu insisted once again.

Maybe three months was barely anything but if the world allowed it and began minding their business instead of feeling like sharing their opinion about their _odd_ relationship —it made perfect sense to the both of them, and that was all that it mattered to him—, Snafu knew this could last. That this could be when he finally chooses the right partner and he has a happy life for many decades to come. In fact, he got the very comfirmation of that feeling when Eugene spent Christmas with his family. He would never forget how he found Eugene crying in the kitchen the following morning after New Year's Eve, spreading some butter over the saddest piece of toast he ever saw in his life. When Snafu convinced him to talk to him and share his worries, Eugene confessed that he was _very thankful_ because turns out the boy spent the holidays all by himself after his father died and his mother and brother decided to shut him out. That he never told either Sid or Leckie because he was ashamed. That he was glad that he didn't have to stay in Los Angeles during those days.

And during moments like that, you just know. Snafu was going to keep him in his life. He was going to make him happy and let him understand that he wasn't only his boyfriend but part of his family too. And they liked him. Lou made a few jokes here and there, Roe spoke to him and nodded at him when they were done. His mother was as mesmerized with the boy as he was and his grandmothers approved of him.

For the very first time, he had the conviction that this would do him good. It wasn't only mindless sex or attraction. Three months might not be much to many, but to Snafu was the promise of blissful years.

Again, the host felt at loss of words with such a short and confrontational reply. He cleared his throat and smiled, deciding to lighten the mood again: “Why don't you talk to us about him?”

 _Oh, boy. You've got the time?_ Snafu licked his lips and tilted his head towards him. “He gave a whole ass interview about himself. I think you've got an idea.” He did. He read it. Over and over again and each time he finished, he couldn't help himself: he kissed Eugene with devotion for every beautiful thing he said about him. Because there were plenty of flatteries in that interview and Snafu was not all that used to it. Maybe because the ones that usually gave interviews about him were his _exes_... If you can call a fling that lasted six days an ex, but _whatever_. “Or you didn't read it? Because that part is way more interestin'.”

Eugene spoke about his childhood and teenage years in Mobile, spoke about the relationship he had with his deceased father, how he decided to join the industry, how important his friendship with Sid was. And mostly important, he spoke about his struggle and how he decided to finally let the world in, accepting that he could be judged but also hoping to be accepted. Snafu loved him; that was the only thing he could think about. He loved him and he wanted the world to know him and understand why it was so natural for him to be mesmerized with the boy. And if they didn't understand... Well, there are always a couple of dickheads willing to rain on your parade. Other than that...

“Well...”

They only cared about Eugene because he was with him? Because that would be some _bullshit_. Snafu felt the need to interrupt him again: “He's probably watchin' us.” Eugene was watching his interview from his flat, while sitting on his couch, with his cat, Olivier, right on his lap because maybe they toyed with the idea of Eugene spending some time on his flat for a while, so the cat would be looked after by at least one of them. Snafu couldn't help but picture Eugene as he looked when he left him: wearing more of his merch —this time a hoodie— and some pajama bottoms, since no one expected him anywhere. “He'll know.”

“Want to say something to him?” Of course he would say something like that. Well, he was not going to give it to them.

“No, that's tacky as fuck.” Snafu snorted and leaned forward, snatching one of his cue cars and throwing it away. This time, the audience laughed unprompted and Eugene did so along with them and shook his head from Snafu's living room. “ _Next question_.”

The man decided to take it as part of the show and kept going in the best way that he could —it's not like he could stand up and try to get the cue card back, either— but perhaps with the most terrible question he could make: “No way you'll ever resume your relationship with Emilia, will you?”

Snafu felt _repulsed_. To this day, he still didn't understand why people were so bent on them making up and give their relationship yet _another_ chance. What he had with Emilia was toxic as it could be. He was miserable as she was. They used to be very attracted to each other, but they still had plenty to handle on their lives that didn't allow them to offer the best of themselves to the other. He hurt her; she hurt him. Both accidentally and on purpose. Why would anyone wish him to go back to something that brought him misery and that encouraged him to do his worst? Like it was a game of seeing who could be more hurtful, hoping to have the upper hand and eventually stop aching over what the other did behind their back. Why would anyone want him to go back? Did they truly miss the person he used to be? Did they want more of those times that almost ate him alive now, when things were finally going well for him? Snafu was not as much of an asshole as he was then, and while he couldn't even stomach thinking about Emilia, he didn't want her to go through the same shit as he put her through during those years.

“I don't know. How likely are you to divorce your wife and date your high school girlfriend?” Snafu asked, not attempting to sound funny or approchable anymore. Those times had been put behind him and he didn't want to open the door to those memories or _anyone_ related to the nightmare he managed to survive.

“I don't think my wife would like that one bit!” the host chuckled, feeling the tension that was building up. A nervous joke while being looked at by those unsettling eyes and that didn't get the sympathy of the public or any reaction other than silence.

Snafu bit his tongue and kept himself from speaking about Eugene again. Yeah, how would he feel that after discussing his interview, that idiot had the nerve to bring up his ex-girlfriend? This was a _talk_ show. Weren't they supposed to know how to interview someone in here? He shook his head and snorted: “Who the fuck were we, anyway? Brad and Jennifer?” It's been almost five fucking years, for God's sake. Snafu wanted to stand up and simply leave. Ack Ack was damn lucky he made him promise he wouldn't. “You gonna ask me somethin' about the band or some shit?”

And because the hostile tone was now very evident on Snafu's voice, he decided to go along with him:“I can if you want me to!” he beamed and Snafu hated him even more. “Any news?”

“ _No_.”

Fuck that guy. He is not getting anything from him.

*** * ***

Snafu arrived home about an hour after the interview concluded.

Eugene smiled as soon as he heard the door closing and Snafu complaining about how cold it was. He was so dramatic, he was driven home and he barely had to walk from the car to the building. He started to know him by now and each time he came back, pretending to be absolutely miserable when he clearly wasn't, it was because he was going to do as much as possible to obtain some affection from him. He wasn't all that different from Olivier, who kept purring the more Eugene's scratched him behind his ears with a hand and caressed his back with the other. The redhead refused to feel self-conscious about the fact that the cat kept kneading his chest; he was wearing a rather thick hoodie after all. He didn't gain any weight during Christmas, thank you very much!

“You put that man through Hell at the end of the interview.” Eugene commented from the couch. The TV was still on, but he stopped watching as soon as Snafu's interview was over.

“Fuck him, he was an asshole.” Snafu grumbled as he finally walked inside of the living room, now without his jacket. He was no longer wearing the same shirt as he did during the interview —by now Eugene could tell that his cousin, Lou, probably ripped it off his body as soon as he was done with it—, but he still looked as good, with his curls perfectly styled and the faint make-up covering any flaw. Eugene bit his lip and that only made Snafu reduce the distance between them even faster. “I ain't never goin' back.” he sentenced before he patted Eugene's hip, silently asking him to make some room so he could join him. As soon as he obeyed, he sat down and leaned over him, nuzzling the tip of his frozen nose against Eugene's cheek. “Hey...” he hummed.

Eugene didn't complain. He tilted his head to the side and pecked Snafu's lips, quickly. The older man cupped the back of his neck with just as cold fingers, chasing his lips and making the kiss a little longer. Eugene caressed Snafu's shoulders and kissed him back until he was satisfied. Then Snafu tilted his head back, with that easy and pleased smirk on his lips. Eugene felt _lucky_.

“You missed me?” Snafu asked before he stole Olivier away from him.

“You've only been out for a couple of hours, Mer.”

“Almost _three_ , Red.”

“A lifetime.” Eugene replied, resting his left arm over Snafu's lap, caressing the cat briefly before he wrapped it around the man.

“We are in the beginnin' of our relationship and you don't miss me when I leave? We ain't gonna last.” He teased, knowing well that was far from being the truth and now using something that made him so mad during the interview for his own amusement. Maybe that was a little hypocritical of him. _Oh, well_. “Did you miss me? Did you miss Daddy, Ollie? Of course you did, my chunky boy.” he hummed as Olivier rubbed his head against his jaw and neck. “He missed me more than you did.”

“I couldn't miss you, I've been watching you on TV.” Eugene slid his fingers under Snafu's sweater, caressing his waist.

Snafu looked at him with those big eyes of his and after staring for a couple of seconds, he finally asked: “Did you like it?”

Eugene blinked, a little confused: “Yes?”

“There's nothin' you found...” the frontman trailed off before he eventually muttered. “offensive?”

It was not like Snafu made fun of him or his music as he once did to catch his attention. “No?”

“He spoke about you.” Snafu insisted once again and Eugene was not sure if he was following what he wanted to say. “About you regarding _me_.”

“Well, I gave an interview and I also spoke about you.”

“Yeah, but I was there and you had my consent.” In fact, it filled his chest with pride seeing him talk and speak such kind things about him. Snafu didn't want to think that he only said those things because as the talk show host said, they were just barely starting.

“I don't mind if you speak about me, Merry.” Eugene sat up and leaned his chin over Snafu's shoulder. The older man kissed his forehead, nuzzling his nose against his hair. “They spoke about us even when we didn't.” Such as the terrible speculation that made him retreat even more. Eugene decided that it was time to try to be happy and ignore what other people had to say about them. “I mean, I don't want to share _everything_.” he was not the kind to flaunt on Instagram or walk around in hopes to be caught by the paparazzi. Eugene was not going to hide anymore, but he won't overexpose himself either. “And don't speak about very _intimate_ things!” Eugene rushed to add since it felt like it was something he should say, recalling the now memorable _I want to fuck Sledge_ while being on air.

“Like...?” Snafu teased with a smirk on his lips.

“Like you know _what_.”

“Give me an example. Let's do somethin' _intimate_.” Snafu released Olivier, who decided to leave the living room before he would get to witness something he had no personal interest in. Then, Snafu pushed Eugene back over the couch, getting on top of him. He had two options: either kiss him and spend the night making love or deal with the issue they didn't have the time to discuss yet that was how Eugene felt when his ex-girlfriend was brought up during the interview. Snafu decided to be an hedonist and focus on his pleasure better than sharing bad memories.

It wasn't like Eugene seemed in the mood for talking either since he already had his arms around him and his lips glued to his neck. _Fuck that_.

Eugene woke up the next morning when Olivier started to lick his cheek with his rough tongue. The redhead huffed and turned around, wiping the moist skin with the back of his hand. Olivier meowed and kept bothering him by pushing his head against Eugene's neck and rubbing, tickling him.

“Alright, alright...!” he huffed and sat up. “I'm awake!” Eugene would blame it all on the fact that Olivier was a feline, but he recalled his good Deacon waking up back when he was a teenager every single Saturday —the only morning he was allowed to sleep in— by slobbering all over his face. “You can get a little annoying, you know?” Olivier meowed again. “I think you have an idea.” Eugene sighed and caressed the cat. “You are lucky you are so cute.” He finally stood up and stretched his back, extending his arms and groaning lowly. He quickly checked the time —a little before nine— before he fished his clothes from the ground and dressed up. He could use a shower, but that could wait until he had breakfast.

As Eugene turned, he noticed that Olivier now took his spot on the bed. So all of that was to reclaim his space. _Clever cat_. Eugene petted the animal one last time before he took his phone and walked out of the bedroom. The smell on the air revealed that Snafu has been awake for about fifteen minutes as much and doing breakfast for the both of them.

Three months were hardly the beginning of a relationship but Eugene already knew that he liked Merriell's cooking. He arranged the different meals during the day if it was just the two of them and helped his mother or grandmothers during Christmas. He claimed that he was _no Justin Wilson but that he managed_. And he did. Eugene was as useful as a rock inside the kitchen. He couldn't cook to save his life and that at the age of thirty, was starting to be a little _pathetic_. Maybe he could ask him to teach him a trick or two. Enough to survive while being alone. But if they eventually started living together, officially...

“Good morning.” he allowed himself to be noticed as he walked towards him.

Snafu turned his head and looked at him over his shouler. “Ollie woke you up, huh?”

“He sure did.” Eugene nodded as he leaned against the counter of the kitchen, taking a look at their breakfast.

“It's forbidden to stay in bed past nine. He doesn't fuckin' care how tired you might be.”

“It's alright, I wasn't all that tired.” He had a few calm days after Christmas. Hopefully it would stay like that for a while. He liked uneventful life by Snafu's side. Just being by his side made Eugene feel pleased and happy. Wasn't that ridiculously corny?

“You looked tired after I was done with you.” he hummed, so full of himself.

Eugene pinched his side, a little rough, making Snafu squirm and chuckle. As soon as he made sure that breakfast wouldn't burn while he offered his boyfriend some attention, he turned towards him and kissed his lips, clearly ignoring Eugene's morning breath. Eugene did the very same with him, caressing his cheek as Snafu wrapped one of his arms around his waist.

“I love you, Red. I love you, boy.” Snafu breathed between kisses.

Eugene was still fascinated by how easily he could say those words and how much he meant them. Quite the odd couple but he never felt more confident that he took the right decision. Eugene was aware that he probably burned that last chance to ever have his mother and brother back in his life, but as Sid told him they weren't in his life because they didn't _want_ to be. Eugene refused to talk about them on his interview. There was no need to put them in a bad position publicly. He wanted to hold onto the good there currently was on his life. The bad will be ignored, by now.

“I love you, too.” he replied. He meant it more than ever. His relationship with Rob was _good_ , but it couldn't be compared to this. To begin with, back then Eugene wouldn't even allow himself to feel properly or love Rob back as he deserved, far too scared to be discovered or pointed at. Now, it was him who allowed people in.

Yes, a good decision indeed.

They could barely kiss for a few minutes before Eugene's phone started to ring. The younger man opened one eye, looking down at the screen. Of course, Snafu noticed right away at the smallest hesitation from his lips. He broke the kiss, barely leaning back.

“Don't answer it.” Snafu said as he tried to blindly push Eugene's phone away from him.

“It's Eddie.” Eugene mumbled, stretching his arm as much as he could to get the phone before Snafu would accidentally — _or not_ — throw it to the floor. Taking that in his own benefit, Snafu got his lips and teeth on Eugene's neck as he picked the phone. “Yes?”

“Eugene?”

“Yes, good morning!” Eugene put his hand on Snafu's shoulder, hoping to get a little bit of distance between his hungry mouth and his, apparently, succulent skin. It would take more than that to get Snafu away from him. Not even the very little threat of burning their breakfast when there were more eggs in the fridge and bread to feed an entire family. “What is it?”

“I'm afraid we are going back to work.” he seemed to be cheerful. Eugene didn't know much about Eddie's personal life, but he could tell that something good happened to him during Christmas. “Mac called.”

“Who's Mac?” Snafu asked, raising his eyebrows.

“From the record label.” Eugene explained briefly, covering his phone a bit so Eddie wouldn't hear them.

“I didn't know you had company, Eugene.” Eddie chuckled.

Yeah, that didn't work.

Snafu leaned even more against Eugene and hummed: “Good morning, Eddie!” Annoying just like a little child.

Eugene sighed and rolled his eyes as Eddie greeted him back. “You think Mac might want us to start working on a new album?”

“Probably. He didn't really tell me much. Just that he wanted to meet you guys.”

Eugene sighed and nodded. This was not the lazy morning he planned. He never liked Mac all too much, but back in the day it was the best deal they could get and Eugene knew damn well that they only offered them the contract because Leckie used to be in a famous band. If not, he wouldn't have had a proper chance so quickly. So, he would just suck it up and try to be back as soon as possible. “Okay, give me about an hour and I'll be there.”

“Alright. See you in a bit, Eugene.”

“Bye, Eddie.”

As soon as he ended the call, he looked down at Snafu, who grinned foolishly and hummed, swaying him from side to side with his arms tight around him: “Is my boy about to get his third album?”

Eugene bit his lower lip and shook his head. “ _Maybe_.”

*** * ***

It wasn't about the third album.

In fact, there wouldn't be a third album.

“I really think you should have spoken to us, Eugene.” Mac sighed, like he truly offended them. Like they have been betrayed and were awfully sorry that this had to happen. The man opened the magazine, shaking his head, looking so fucking dismissive about everything he said to David Webster. Eugene refused to feel ashamed or even blush when he saw those pictures again. He still didn't think those were necessary. “Why didn't you tell us about this?”

Eugene opened his mouth but Eddie placed a hand over his forearm, asking to let him handle this. He was his manager for a reason, he will defend his interests until he might need a professional to keep doing so in court, if necessary. “You are only part of his record label, not his publicist. The interview was not related to your company in any way. Eugene didn't speak about it or even commented about a new project. There was no need for him to notify you that he would give this kind of interview.”

“Well, we don't agree.” Mac insisted.

“Who the Hell is we?” Sid interrupted him, sitting down between Leckie and Eugene. “He told us about the interview. He told Eddie. What? He needs to tell everybody? Do I have to call next time I do an interview?”

“Now, Sid.” Mac smiled lightly and yet so cynically. “You can't compare.”

“Why? Am I not important?” If they keep diminishing his role and work in the group, he might end up snapping, someday.

“Eugene's interview is... _shocking_.” the man explained behind his desk and moved just enough to cross his legs; he absolutely felt like he had the upper hand in this meeting. Eugene's worst fears were about to become true.

“ _Shocking_.” The way Leckie repeated that word allowed Eugene to understand that he also heard the prejudice and the distate towards his public claim.

“Well, yes.” That smile again. Eugene never felt more tempted in his life to punch someone in the face. He rubbed his lips and forced himself to keep listening; for the band. He told them this would happen back when he decided that isolation was his only option after being caught. “We decided to ignore the... accident back in New Orleans. We respect serious artists. Performers that want to be known for their music, not their scandals.” And that was very rich considering some singers from their same label had been involved in far more scandalous and reprehensible things than what Eugene _ever_ did. “We didn't expect you to play with your sexual orientation for attention, Eugene.” he looked at him _oh, so disappointed_.

Eugene widened his eyes, dumbfounded. _Play?_

“This is unacceptable.” Eddie denied.

“This is bullshit!” Sid snapped, even attempting to stand up. Leckie was the one who grabbed his shoulder to keep him from doing so.

“So what are the consequences?” Leckie insisted as Eddie continued to shake his head. The manager already figured out the answer for that question. They were in need of a lawyer. A good one.

“There's no way we can fit Eugene's actions in the narrative we want to sell.” Mac explained, leaning forward once again. He laced his fingers together over his desk and sentenced: “We no longer want to be part of your journey as a band.”

“We signed a contract for _three_ albums!” Sid interrupted him, raising his voice. “You can't just cut us out like that because it doesn't fit your _homophobic_ narrative! That's... That's discrimination and it's against the law! Against the Civil Rights!” All that blurb and how shaken he was becoming while seeing how his friend was targeted, _yet again_ , made him sound immature when he, in fact, was right about everything he was saying. “What the fuck?!”

“We are no longer interested in your third project and we have decided to terminate our contract with you.” Mac looked far from intimidated or even interested in anything that was coming out of Sid's mouth.

“You can't just do that!” Eugene could finally react. What he once feared —putting the band at risk for something he decided to do— became a reality. “How was I supposed to know you would no longer want to support our music because I am gay?” It wasn't absolutely unthinkeable, but something that simply shouldn't happen anymore.

“We are not going to let you put a name on our actions. This is not about an ideology, we simply want to give our support to artists that will stay focused on their message better tha—”

“Not about an ideology!” This was _insulting_. “You are telling me that you are kicking us out of the label record after coming out and that it's not about an ideology?!”

“I wouldn't want to have to take you to court for defamation, Eugene.” Mac warned.

“Don't worry about it. We will for breach of contract.” Eddie sentenced as he stood up. “Come on, it's time for us to consult our lawyer. You'll be hearing from us soon, Mac. Thank you.” the managed said before he ushered the members of the band out of his office.

Meanwhile, Snafu was doing absolutely _nothing_ back home. He laid down on the couch and entertained himself with his phone since he didn't bother himself to check it after he made it back home after the interview, last night. He offered all of his attention to Eugene. Now it was time to catch up and it was clear that whatever that he said last night had consequences because his notifications on Twitter blew up and yet no one texted him personally. Not Burgie, neither did Lou. And he could already assume, more or less, what happened. He already felt tense and angry.

 _Not this fucking shit again, for fuck's sake_.

Snafu rubbed his nose and went through his notifications and turns out that many had the nerve to blame him for answering a question he was asked. What the fuck was he supposed to do? There's no way to do the right thing with some people.

He was already getting frustrated, he might as well dwell on it and tweet something stupid. Once his boy makes it back home, he will ignore the issue and focus on him, but meanwhile... Snafu frowned as he read the first tweets he had been tagged in:

 **@xchuckiechuckx** tweeted: _@snaf_ck, wouldn't hurt you to learn some fucking class, dude_.

When did he ever show that he had _any_ sort of class? He didn't. For them to expect him to be proper and never step out of line was beyond _ridiculous_. Snafu was a visceral person; if he got mad, he let it out. Even more when those issues brought back awful memories. He kept scrolling, giving himself more reasons to be angry.

 **@miriam_221** tweeted: _As much as I dislike @snaf_ck, he only answered a question. @emroyale had no need to tweet that. It's not a good look, girl!_

What the fuck did she tweet? She said something? Okay, if she said something about Eugene, he might get real fucking angry. Stupidly angry. He knew Emilia and for sure she didn't want him back. She felt repulsed by him after everything they went through. Jealousy was out of the question, but if she targeted Eugene for some reason, then... Then he might get petty. As fucking petty as she did when she released a song dissing him when he was already in rehab.

Snafu would never forgive that. He could overlook everything else, but that? That he would _never_ forgive. And then he was the one that had no class. _Alright, sure enough_.

 **@keep_on_ranting7** tweeted: _@snaf_ck IS IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP NOW. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND THAT AND PRETEND HE INSULTED EMILIA, THEN THAT'S A BIT OF A STRETCH._

“Exactly!” Snafu grumbled and couldn't help but like that tweet. Was that petty? Well, yes. But he was already holding back by not saying anything about it himself. It was only a matter of time, though.

 **@HeartShapedSunglasses_** tweeted: _Are we surprised? @snaf_ck hurt @emroyale as much as he wanted when they were together. She owes him no respect, tbh._

She owed him no respect. He wouldn't object to that. But how was saying that he was in love with someone else and that they would never go back disrespectful towards her when none of them wanted to resume that fucked up relationship?

Snafu closed the app and texted his cousin. He needed to know and there was no way he could find out himself since she, of course, had him blocked very much as he had her blocked, as well.

 **You sent at 09:44 AM:** _what the fuck did she say lulu_.

She barely took a couple of minutes to answer, but Snafu already called her. He stood up from the couch and paced around the living room.

“Hey.” Lou sighed from the other side of the line.

“What the fuck did she say, Louise.” Snafu asked once again, far more stressed and no longer having the patience to calm down and not direct his frustration towards her.

“I don't know. I blocked her too, remember?” It was clear that it ended pretty badly when even Lou, who met Emilia before Snafu did, blocked her. But between a friend and family, she felt like it was a rather easy decision to make.

“ _Romero_.” he insisted.

Lou huffed, knowing that this would get messy. Romie used to work with Emilia as his backup dancer at the very beginning of his career. When Lou was given the chance to dress Emilia for a live show in 2009, she was only nineteen and such chance happened because she spend about a year working as her cousin's stylist —maybe Ack Ack had something to do with it, as well. The man took care of them all like a father, sometimes—. It was then, during that first meeting with the singer that she saw Romie. It goes without saying that she spent the whole rehearsal looking at the boy and how he danced and perhaps was not as focused on her job as she should had been.

After that, Lou made the mistake to introduce Snafu to Emilia and the rest is _history_.

Snafu waited, rubbing his nose even more while he heard her talking with her boyfriend. “Okay, don't shoot the messenger, alright?”

“Just fuckin' read it to me, Lulu. I'm losin' my mind over here.”

“Don't you say.” she failed to sound impressed. “Alright. She tweeted: _High school? Bitch? You were a grown ass man when we dated. You've got no excuse. Move the fuck on and good luck to that boy. He's gonna need it._ ” When she was done reading, she quickly added: “No hashtags.”

“What the fuck is she talkin' about?!” Snafu blurted out. “What the fuck is she even sayin'? Like, what am I supposed to do when I'm bein' asked about her? If I disregard the fuckin' issue, I bet my ass that people would insist that I am ignoring that time of my life. _Like nothin' ever happened_.” Because some people accused him of that when they released _YOURS_ and they refused to make allegations about Snafu's time in rehab. He was not ready to talk about it back then and he didn't want to. They didn't mark the timing; _he did_. “And then when I say that it makes _no_ fuckin' sense that people are still waitin' for us to come back, I get this shit?!”

“I know, Merry, I know...”

“It truly feels like they want me to go back to those times real fuckin' bad, Lulu. Don't they fuckin' know I almost fuckin' died?!”

“They will never see it the way we do, Merry. You know that.” While that almost took Snafu's life, it was just another story for the press and the public.

“I am aware I was a grown ass man when I met her! I was twenty-four. I know what I was doin'!” He never said the opposite. Emilia was only a couple of years older than he was. They were both adults, but once again, not in the right mind to be in a relationship. What they had stretched until 2012, with plenty of break ups, infidelities and lies. “That was not what I fuckin' meant! And she knows. How would it make any sense for anyone to ask about someone you haven't seen for more than three years?!”

“I just think she felt offended, that's all.”

“She ain't got no fuckin' right to feel offended! Not when she fucked me up when I was at my fuckin' lowest, Lulu!” Anyone could make a song about him and call him a selfish dickhead and a miserable bastard. But not while he was fighting for his life. That was unforgivable to Snafu.

“Merry, I _know_.” That was the main reason why she decided to stop talking to Emilia even if she grew very fond of her with time.

“And what's that bullshit about my boy?!” he demanded again. He heard that she mentioned Eugene and that line would not be crossed. “Read it to me again, girl.”

“ _Good luck to that boy. He's gonna need it._ ” she repeated. “Now, Merry, it's just a way to talk. She didn't insult him or anythin'. So p—” she tried, knowing that her cousin would do something stupid to feel like he was protecting Eugene.

“What the fuck is she implyin?!” Snafu raised his voice, suffocating Lou's. “That I'm gonna be an asshole to him?! The fuck she knows the person that I am now?! Oh, sure. You meet someone when he has a drug addiction and they do as much as possible to leave that shit behind and turns out it's useless! Because to people, you don't get to change or evolve! You do somethin' and you have no fuckin' right to move on! Then let's not change! Let's just be the same piece of shit until the end! Because, fuck! In the end it means nothing, huh?!” At this point, Snafu was venting about something that has been bothering him for the last three years that he has been clean. Is it worth it when they bring it up over and over again? Well, it depends on the day. “I'm gonna love my boy well, fuck anyone who says otherwise! Because now I know how to do it!”

“Merry!” she could finally speak. “I know all of this! We don't want you to be that person again! We love you and we support you! You know that!” It was funny because she sounded irritated while saying something so caring. “And fuck anyone who says otherwise, alright? Fuck that interview from last night, because... Let me tell you! What an asshole! And, well! Fuck Emilia, too!” Lou could understand that she got mad, but there was no need to get Eugene involved. Lou liked her cousin's new boyfriend quite a bit. He was sensible and friendly. They could use someone like him in their family. “Just ignore it. Eugene is with you and no one can change that. They can talk shit and they can... Try to play it like you are trickin' Eugene. But that's not the truth. So?”

“So they can fuck themselves!”

“Exactly!” Lou replied. “Now! Don't say nothin', Merry! Don't start tweetin' shit, alright? Like, you wouldn't want them to think you are bothered about this, would you?”

“I'm not _bothered_.” That was such a lie. He was absolutely bothered. He couldn't be more bothered even if he actively tried to.

“Then fuck them. They get nothin' if you are giving them nothin'.”

“And I ain't givin' them a thing. Not a fuckin' word. I ain't got time for this.” He had nothing to do today, he had plenty of time but he was willing to pretend.

“So you are cool, aren't you?”

“I'm calm as fuck, Lulu.” The way he was gripping the phone proved him wrong.

“ _Good_.”

“I'm calm, I ain't gonna tweet anythin'.” Snafu repeated that mostly to convince himself.

“That's right, Merry. You've got this.” she encouraged him.

“Yeah.” he scratched the back of his neck and sat down again. “Let's talk about somethin' else until my boy makes it back home, okay?” If he is left alone with himself, he would eventually give in and tweet something stupid and awfully offensive.

“Sure.” And because Lou knew him by now, she agreed. Leaving her cousin alone was what always brought chaos.

“When are you getting' married?” Snafu asked, grinning. The question she probably hated the most. They even joked about it and teased her during Christmas, asking every five minutes. Romie smiled every time, clearly wanting to tie the knot. That boy was smitten, Snafu could tell.

The reaction was immediate: “Oh, my God, shut up!”

And just like that, annoying his cousin and being a bit of a dick, Snafu spent the following hour; talking about everything and nothing and slowly forgetting about the rage that came with that whole issue. He only had to ask Ack Ack to tell any interviewer to keep it shut about that or he would simply stop talking to the press or going anywhere. _Fuck promotion_.

By the time Eugene arrived to Snafu's flat, he was laughing and letting Olivier rest over his stomach. The younger man looked a little stressed while leaving his bag aside and tried to remove his coat before his scarf. “We are going to sue the record label.” he said abruptly while looking at Snafu.

The frontman blinked and lowered his phone: “What?”

“They refuse to fulfill our contract. They don't want to produce our third album. We are going to take them to court.” Eugene explained, focusing on what felt like it was the most important and unfair part of his morning.

“Lulu, I'll call you later, girl. I love you.” Snafu quickly ended the call after Lou told him to take care. “What do you mean? Why?” Snafu stood up, reaching out for Eugene. The redhead was still struggling to untangle the scarf from around his neck since he first failed at removing his coat. Snafu helped him out with that and left them aside before he guided Eugene back to the couch. “Alright, boy. Take it easy, why would they do that?”

“Because I am gay, Merriell!” Eugene looked pissed. Quite angry, in fact. Not a great morning for either for them, but Snafu quickly forgot about his problem and decided to focus on Eugene's. “They told us... They had the _guts_ to tell us that my interview does not fit their narrative!”

“Their narrative?” That sounded condescending as fuck.

“And that I should have told them about the interview! And that they won't produce our third album because they didn't expect me to _exploit_ my private life for fame and I am... fucking angry, Merriell!” Eugene stood up once again and Snafu decided to give him some space.

“Just like that?”

“Just like that!” he repeated. “I knew this would happen! I knew! People pretend to be okay with it, but the minute you step out of line. The second you dare to raise your voice... _Oh, there's no need to speak about it because if not you are trying to make profit out of it!_ ” he even added the quotes to his speech with his fingers. “It's not about fame! It's not about money! Those are things I felt like I needed to say so I could live my own life with some peace, for God's sake!”

“They didn't expect someone religious to be gay, I guess?” And Snafu has been in the business long enough to know that companies and industries will only bet on those who are _different_ if they will bring them profit. No one cares about visibility or representation when it comes to business. Simple as that. Many can turn their back to The Old Breed now that they knew about Eugene's sexual orientation. Who would want to risk it and lose money?

“Well! Some of us are gay, they will have to suck it up!” Eugene replied.

“Don't worry about it, Red.” Snafu took his phone once again. “I will get you a good lawyer, baby. You won't have to worry about a thing.”

“I have a lawyer.” Eugene said, sitting back down on the couch. He buried his face on his hands and groaned. This was absolutely ridiculous. The magazine barely came out a couple of days ago and now their chance to release a third album was _gone_.

Snafu leaned against him and kissed his shoulder; his hand rested over his back. “Who is it?” For all the bullshit he has been involved in, he never needed a lawyer. Thank God Ack Ack always solved everything for him.

“His name is Lewis Nixon.” Eugene leaned his head against him and Snafu wrapped his arms around him, kissing his face with devotion. “Leckie said that he looks like he had a bourbon for breakfast and Sid said that he looks like a character from _Sex and the City_. Oddly enough, they are both right.” he sighed miserably. “But Eddie says that he is a _very_ good lawyer. He knows him.” And if Eddie trusted them, so did the band.

“... _Sex and the City_?” Snafu couldn't help but ask. “You watched that show? Your parents let you?” Because considering that Eugene's mother didn't even let him listen to Johnny Cash, he doubted she would let him watch a show that had the word _sex_ in the title while being a teenager.

“I didn't but Sid used to watch it in secret.” Eugene sighed, brushing his hair back, finally looking at him. He pounted a bit, overwhelmed by the situation but still adding: “His favourite character was Charlotte.” To this day, he still didn't know which one was Charlotte but it was the one Sid kept talking about. _Dark, dark times_.

“Of course it was Charlotte, my fuckin' God.” Snafu snickered. Eugene still looked awfully worried and visibly guilty. He kissed his lips a couple of times, reassuringly. “You'll win the case. They can't just kick you out, Red.”

“What if they do? Like, what if they give us a compensation and then? We are on our own.” he whispered. “And it's because of me.”

“Not because of _you_ , because of _them_.” Snafu corrected him. “Boy, you'll get your third album. Your fourth. Your fifth. As many as you will feel like releasing, okay? Trust me on that one.” Snafu sentenced before he kissed him one last time.

*** * ***

The next morning, Snafu went to Toccoa Records and broke inside of Johnny Martin's office, unannounced and clearly unwanted.

“Martin, we gotta talk.” the frontman said as dropped himself over one of the chairs in front of the desk. “It's a matter of life or death.”

“Schedule an appointment and survive until then.” Johnny replied as he kept his eyes on the screen of his computer. This wouldn't be the first time Snafu came over just to mess with him and then _leave_. He loved to be a nuisance and make people waste their time. Johnny reached out blindly for his phone to make a call when he noticed that Snafu's hand was in the way.

“Real important.” he insisted. “Give me ten minutes.”

He sighed, tiredly and giving Snafu the most unimpressed look he was capable of. “What's the nature of your visit?” The best way to see if this was worth his time or not.

“A new album.” he replied.

“Another bullshit album? That can wait.” And then Johnny slapped Snafu's hand away and got the phone.

“Bullshit album?” Snafu frowned. “The fuck do you mean with that?”

“If you are coming to my office, without a previous appointment,” he insisted on that detail. “to suggest doing a _YOURS_ part two, then I am not interested in having this conversation right now. It can wait about a week or a month. Ask my secretary if I hav—”

“The Hell is wrong with the album?” he interrupted him.

“It was a patch for your career.” Johnny explained with a shrug. “Or are you going to deny me that?”

“It wasn't a _patch_.” Yes, he was going to deny it.

“Oh, it sure was. People were expecting something different after everything the band went through.” Snafu pressed his lips and frowned. “You decided to act like nothing happened and to me that's respectable. But the album was not as good as past works. The last song you released, though...” Johnny nodded, pleased, allowing him to know that direction would be the one to take if he wanted to keep up with other emerging artists and the best releases of last year. “That was good.”

Snafu grew defensive: “Everything I ever released is good.”

“I'm not saying it was bad, I'm saying it was _disappointing_.” Chasing the Pacific was perhaps the one of the best bands they had on their record label. Johnny would have to be crazy to let them go, but the problem was that ever since Snafu had to take a break and go to rehab, they didn't manage to accomplish the level they were at before it happened.

“ _GRIS-GRIS_ was good. Ain't my fuckin' fault they didn't appreciate it.” He cut himself open for that album. He shared his most beloved and precious memories. He sang about his family and everything that went through his head and they ignored whatever that he had to say. Of course he made a bullshit album after that. People didn't want to hear him, as a person, but only as _your sexy and cheeky frontman_. He was tired of that fucker. He wanted to _burn_ the idea they had of him.

“It was very good but it didn't work.” Johnny sighed. “You weren't around to promote the album and the rest of the band didn't want to give any interview during the time being. And it was far too different from everything you ever did. People were confused. Bad timing.” That was literally all it was: releasing the album as a way to motivate Snafu to keep fighting didn't necessarily had to be a good move when it came to obtaining good results on the charts. “Let's be honest, people still speak about _BABY BABY BABY_ over those two albums. And it's been almost five years.”

Snafu leaned back against his chair, still frowning.

Johnny was to one who kept speaking, clearly wanting him to understand his point of view: “You've got it in you. You can give me something like _3:16_. And in fact, you can give me something even better than that.”

“Of course I can. I made that song in one night.” Snafu snorted. His mind worked very fast when he happened to be horny. “Okay, let's pretend I take your advice in consideration.” He did sound like an asshole, but who cares. “And we make a good album. The album people expected from us after I made it back to the industry...” he licked his lips. “Would you accept doing a contract The Old Breed for their following three albums?”

“What?” Johnny blinked, not expecting that. “They already have a contract w—”

“No, they don't.” Snafu huffed. “I mean, they do. But they want to break it.”

“Why?”

“Because Eugene is gay.” Snafu looked around, touching his nose. “They don't know how people will react to the interview.”

“Who interviewed him?” he asked, out of curiosity.

“Uh...” Snafu needed a couple of seconds to remember the name. “Something Webster.” He got half of the name right. Johnny looked like he knew that guy and didn't like him much. “My point is: offer them a good deal.”

“Do I look like a nun to you? Does this look like a church? We don't do charity here.” he shook his head.

“Charity? You, asshole. My boy is talented as fuck. They've got Leckie, too. And the third one is not all that bad.” He would keep pretending he never learned Sid's name.

“I'm not going to start offering deals to bands because you are fucking their singer.” Johnny denied once again. “The printer wouldn't catch a break.”

“Fuckin' dickhead, this is serious.” Snafu stood up and put his hands over the desk, getting closer to him. “I give you the album you want and you give Eugene a call.”

Johnny pursed his lips, thinking. “You give me _the best_ album you ever made and I give Sledge a call.”

“You promise?” Snafu insisted, not even blinking anymore.

“You have my word.” Johnny extended his hand to shake.

About half an hour after that quick meeting, Snafu was already at Burgie's. It was a bit of an accident that the baby was born in Los Angeles instead than in Texas, as he was supposed to, since Florence decided to stick around until the very end because that's just how she was: _messy_. _Disorganized_ , Burgie would reply with his loving eyes and tender smile while looking at his wife. Snafu could see right straight that crazy girl, but he assumed that it was none of his business. Now he got to hold the baby as much as he wanted when he visited them.

“I kinda pictured that by the time you'd have your second child, you'd already have a _ranch_.” Snafu teased, holding the tiny little baby and resting his cheek over his head.

“You really want to see me rocking the cowboy boots and hat, huh?” Burgie joked, humorless. How many times did Snafu make fun of him for being from Texas during the last twelve years? Far too many.

“I sure do.” Florence grinned from the couch, letting her older son hug her as much as he wanted. Little Jack grew a bit jealous of how much attention his baby brother has been getting. Now that Uncle Snafu was around, being clingy, he could have his mother back. Burgie had the nerve to look smug about it and even raise his chin. Florence winked at him.

Snafu felt like he had to give his opinion on the matter: “ _Gross_.”

“Like you don't brag about what you do during _playtime_ with Eugene.” Florence hummed. She heard it all. Not that she was ever scandalized about Snafu's questionable tastes and habits behind closed —or not so closed— doors.

“Adults have playtimes too?” Little Jack looked up at his mother. “That's silly.”

“It's very silly.” she nodded before she kissed his forehead.

“What is it that you want?” Burgie cut any chance of that conversation to become something Little Jack wouldn't be able to forget or stop asking about. “Other than hug Logan, of course.” Because the very same happened when his first child was born.

“Logan Prescott is somehow better than John Ferdinand. That, to begin with.” Maybe he won't need to give their second child a silly nickname. Florence glared at him, not taking very well that she spent hours pushing babies out of her body for to be Snafu the fucker who then decided what to call them with his stupid nicknames. “But, hey.” he kissed the forehead of the baby and sighed. “I spoke with Johnny Martin, this morning.”

“Why?” Burgie asked.

“It might be time to work on a new album.” Snafu replied.

“You've got something?” He decided to ask since last time Snafu released the song on SoundCloud without telling him.

“I will.” he nodded. “Also... I sorta made a deal with him.”

“... I don't like this.” Burgie sighed and decided to sit down.

“Nothin' weird. It's just... The record label didn't like Eugene's interview one bit. They wanna break the contract.”

“Just like that?” he blinked. “For that reason only?”

“For that reason _mostly_.” They would pay. Snafu was sure that they would. They had to, for being complete _assholes_. “So I told Martin I plan on givin' him our best album yet so he will give Eugene a call.”

“Our best album. That's a big promise to fulfill.”

“I bet you've got stuff.”

“Of course I've got stuff.”

“Well, I have stuff too. And we only need to push Jay and Bill Leyden a bit so they will start workin'.”

“Stop saying stuff.” Florence mumbled.

“ _Stuff_.” Snafu repeated. “I've got plenty. And some... of it I wrote it back then, y'know?” he cleared his throat, like it was not a big deal. Well, of course he wrote and composed plenty during rehab. He had to keep himself sane somehow.

Burgie looked at him, silently. After licking his lips, he asked: “You want to share that?”

Snafu sighed and rocked Logan when the baby complained. “Might be about time.” The thing was that after _GRIS-GRIS_ , Snafu didn't feel like opening up _ever_ again. They rejected what he had to offer and the style was just too different from what they were used to. Turns out, the content and how it's delivered are just as important. If he found a middle ground, if he had a way to explain everything he wasn't and what he never wants to be ever again, then maybe he would get rid of that fame that was always two steps ahead him. It was suffocating to let your shadow be on the spotlight for so long. “Maybe I feel like doin' it.” He had many things to say but unlike Eugene, he didn't feel like nothing good would come out through an interview. Not if those were like the one he recently had. “Yeah, I wanna do it.”

“Okay.” Burgie nodded. “That's... Yeah.” Clearly he didn't know what to say. No words were needed, though. Snafu could always trust that Burgie would be by his side, during the good and the bad times, as he has been before. “It will do me good. To stick around.” He looked at Florence and she smiled, caressing his back. “We could take some time working on the album.” And like that, he would be able to be with his wife and his two children while still working on something. Way better than _touring_ , for sure. “Alright, let's do it. Let's give those two a call.”

*** * ***

Snafu still had his old notebook that he used during rehab. Funny enough, he didn't leave it behind or buried it in the very back of some drawer. He carried it around with him, like that was the testimony of something dark yet necessary to remember when he would feel the itch and the need to go back in time and repeat the same mistakes.

The corners of the cover were all rounded and revealing the habit he had to fold them when he wrote something he thought it was worth revisiting a couple of days later, to see if it was meaningful or yet another discarded idea.

After laying down on the couch, he opened the notebook and touched the words —other times notes— scribbled on the pages. Back then, he would press the pen tight against the surface, hoping to release some frustation and anxiety. Only to go back to those days, Snafu's mouth because dry and had the temptation to start bouncing his knee. Fuck, those were hard months. Sometimes they didn't even feel real. And yet, they set a boundary he promised his family he would never cross again. And for them, he was willing to do anything.

As he was doing now for Eugene. A new album exchange giving his career the bost it deserved? That was hardly a price to pay. The only problem was that Snafu wished he could fly back to New Orleans, so he could compose in his house. There he had everything he needed: his study, his instruments, his mother near to get first impressions... But he couldn't leave now. He wanted to be close to Eugene now that he might have to go to trial —and God knows these things stretch in time— and he wanted Johnny Martin to call Eugene. Like that, they wouldn't be so desperate to hold onto that bullshit contract if he had another offer. Even if a judge forced the record label to produce that third album, Snafu could tell they would sabotage it while hardly promoting it or deciding which singles they should release so no matter how good it was, it would eventually become a failure.

Snafu hummed the melody he had in his brain back then. Funny how it barely felt real but he could remember everything he composed back there so vividly. His thumb moved over the title — _OUT OF LINE_ — and then he sang his favourite line of the chorus: “ _And my soul, she cries: Sweet boy Merry, ain't he comin' back?_ ” And then over and over again. That little thing, foolish for many, used to soothe him before going to bed, when his brain tortured him and reminded him that he was nothing without cocaine. That it was the dark shapeless man that he become after consuming the one they truly loved. Cocaine could make empty rooms more bearable and empty smiles to mean something. And that kept him happy for a little while.

But that fake thrill couldn't be compared with the joy and the delight he experienced each time he went back home, to his family. That was true happiness but drugs got in the way, the more he used. He kept his house and all the doors locked, so they wouldn't find out. It was shame and knowing he was no longer truthful. And then the uncomfortable position he put Lou in, who knew about his drug addiction and Snafu spoke to her, many times, so she wouldn't even think about telling. He regretted how he treated her and the pressure he put her under considering she was hardly twenty when he started to develop an addiction.

He acted like a complete piece of shit, but he couldn't go back in time. Only make sure that he would never get caught in that vicious circle again.

Snafu sang those two lines again and again, closing his eyes and dwelling on the moment when his mother held his hand in the hospital bed, after the overdose, with tears in her eyes and asked: _Where is my Merry? When is he comin' back?_

Not even his own mother recognized him anymore.

And maybe that's why no one could see who he really was. Because he tried so hard to be someone else and allowed that shadow to deal with the attention while he fed on loneliness and isolation. He hated to be alone.

He couldn't stand it; it _killed_ him.

But now? Now he wasn't. He had his family, the band, Eugene.

He had them all and he was going to keep them in his life.

Snafu turned a few more pages of rambling and perhaps a few couple of things he could rescue and turn into something decent with the help his bandmates. He stopped, though, when a wrinkled sheet fell from the notebook. That one was written before rehab, during those terrible times when he didn't know who the fuck he was anymore. And how, through a song, he tried to explain how he was beyond help — _Oh, darling, waste no time we both know I'll do it again_ —. Back in the day, perhaps that song had been written to Emilia. Or at least wrote it thinking about her and the impossibility of continuing with their relationship while he was in that hole. _Not anymore_. It would be addressed to anyone that would want to listen to him.

Because that was the difference between them: while Snafu wrote a song called _STOPLIGHT_ thinking about her, she released a song named _Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition_ weeks after he started his treatment.

God, he was full of resentment. It made him angry. Snafu tightened his jaw and rubbed his forehead, reminding himself that he was not without a fault. But fuck him if it didn't hurt him _still_.

He decided to give himself a break and left the notebook over the coffee table and checked his phone. Eugene texted him saying that he planned on sleeping in his flat today because they were still discussing things with their lawyer and that he was supposed to leave very early tomorrow morning. Snafu then suggested to meet him tomorrow during the afternoon in the studio. They would try to test a couple of melodies with the band. Then he would share some of his lyrics and see if they could start working on something they could then show to Martin.

 **Red** **texted you at 4:12 PM:** Got it! I really want to hear it Mer, lucky you! Love you!!

_**You sent at 4:13 PM:** _ _youll get your third album soon enough, bby. i love u too._

His boy sent him three big red hearts and Snafu smiled like a fool at his phone for a few seconds. Then he hummed and decided to go on Twitter, probably to tease his followers with the possible idea of him working on a new project or merely brag about how wonderful, handsome and loving his boyfriend was. But then he noticed all the notifications and he almost felt tempted to call his cousin again, to make sure that Emilia didn't tweet anything more. He frowned, sitting up and letting Olivier plop on his lap, demanding attention. Snafu scratched his back as he scrolled down and that was worse than anything Emilia could _ever_ say.

Those were his actions.

Things he did and couldn't erase.

And sadly, things that were filmed and photographed.

They posted a couple of things but the one they repeated the most was a short clip of a concert back in 2012, a few months before the overdose that almost killed him. Snafu couldn't remember what happened or what he did on stage, but he remembered the chat he had once he was somehow conscious and how defensive he got with his bandmates and Ack Ack when they dared to imply that it was impossible for him to continue like that.

Snafu watched, but didn't dare to unmute the video. He saw himself swaying, with the mic barely any close to his mouth while the band kept playing. From where the video was being recorded, he could only see himself and Jay playing the bass and looking at him, nervous and not really knowing if he should keep going or not. The problem was that 2012 was his worst year but also Jay's first one as the member of the band and not just their touring bassist.

Not that this caught him completely off guard, but no one should be used to see someone they cared about to so far gone. He swayed and struggled to remember the lyrics. He could tell because while he didn't hear it, he could see his own face, confused and lost and sometimes moving his lips and perhaps babbling.

That was before he turned towards Jay and Snafu assumed that he was going to check their track list. Back then, Burgie had some of the lyrics there so Snafu could remember them and carry on. He didn't quite reach them and leaned heavily against the younger man. Jay had to stop playing to help him but it took only a couple of seconds for Snafu to collapse on the floor.

Then the video ended and Snafu continued scrolling, seeing pictures and clips of that one time he was caught doing cocaine outside a party. Seeing himself like that gave him yet another reason to not do that shit anymore. Sadly, he wished people would forget about it. _Move on_. But that's the Internet: _you do it, and they have the evidence_. No matter how much you want it gone. He still remembered how Ack Ack tried his best to protect his image but there was nothing to be done when Snafu had an even more erratic behavior with time. It was impossible to hide.

And while it angered him that people were willing to bring this up now after a simple remark about a past relationship, what made him truly angry was the fact that Eugene was tagged in most of those videos. Those people warned Eugene and joked about the fact that maybe, after only three months, he didn't have time to find out about Snafu's “hobbies” or that he would be “wise” to follow Emilia's advice.

Who the fuck were they to judge him? Who the fuck were they to feel in position to tell Eugene what to do? Snafu would have been worried if he didn't know the fact that Eugene no longer checked Twitter all that much after he got caught in New Orleans and decided to see how people reacted to their relationship on the social network. After that, he only used it in one direction: to send a message or relevant information, as he used to. If not, he could end up having a very bad day like it was happening to Snafu.

He had to trust that Eugene would be busy enough to not even think about checking Twitter. Neither he had to get on the app to announce anything any time soon since both parts would want to keep in secret the fact they could end up going to trial.

Sending him a text asking him not to chek Twitter would be counterproductive, so he could only wait until tomorrow and see if Eugene saw something and if that made him change his mind about their relationship in some way. But, before he could even notice, Snafu was letting some of his anger out by ignoring the advice his cousin gave him a couple of days ago.

 **@snaf_ck tweeted:** _some of u are FUCKING desperate to see me fail. we are posting videos of 2012??? CLASSY!!_

*** * ***

“Thank you, Joe.” Eugene said as he grabbed his coat, opening the door of the car.

“No problem.” he replied before he turned to look at Eddie, on the passenger's seat. “You don't need me to drive you anywhere.”

“No, thank you. Here is fine.” the manager denied, walking out of the car, too.

“Alright, call me whenever you need me.” he told them before he drove away.

Eugene looked at Eddie, a little bit curious, thinking that maybe he wanted to take a look at what Snafu's band was currently working on. Still, he could see that the manager from Chasing the Pacific was waiting outside the building. When he saw him and walking towards them, Eugene parted his lips. Eddie rested his hand on his shoulder and said: “I'll see you tomorrow, Eugene.”

“Okay?” he blinked. As soon as Ack Ack reached them, he greeted Eugene briefly by shaking his hand. Eugene was a little taken aback, unable to not notice how dashing the man was from close. Very elegant, too. He spoke to him once through the phone when Snafu released _3:16_ and then he saw him a few times during the summer, in a couple of festivals. Ack Ack turned towards Eddie and they kissed briefly. Eugene raised his eyebrows and looked away. “Okay!” Maybe he was already thirty years old, but he still got very awkward when he witnessed disaplays of public affection between a couple and he was the only one left around. It comes from being Mary and Sid's third wheel for so long. “See you tomorrow. Bye!”

Eugene rushed inside of the studio and sighed, not giving himself time to overthink about he just saw. Now that explains why Eddie was so happy, lately...! From what Snafu told him, Ack Ack was a wonderful man. Very responsible and someone you could trust through and through. Eugene didn't know much about Eddie's private life, but he doubted he had a relationship ever since he started to work as their manager.

“Red.” Snafu's needy voice interrupted his train of thought. Eugene smiled at him before the frontman wrapped his arms around him and kissed his lips. He breathed deeply through his nose, furrowing his eyebrows, and squeezed him tight against his body.

Eugene leaned back a bit and chuckled: “What? You missed me that much?” It was endearing. Even flattering, in fact. That honest gesture earned Snafu a caring look and a sweet caress on his cheek.

“ _Yeah_.” he said, without shame. If Eugene was still kind and loving to him, then he didn't get to see those videos he was tagged in. Or maybe he did and didn't care. Snafu didn't find it in him to ask and see which one was the right answer. “Kiss me again, c'mon.” he breathed, standing on his tiptoes slightly, to lean forward and steal yet another kiss that Eugene offered gladly.

The younger man ran his fingers through his curls and scratched his scalp slightly, soothingly. Eugene broke that second kiss too, pressing his forehead against Snafu's. He blinked and asked, carefully: “Everything alright, Mer?”

“Is with me.” he replied right away. “You?”

“Yes, of course.” he snickered and nodded. Eugene was hardly an optimist, but in moments like that, he had accept that he was in an unwanted situation and that he couldn't take the blame for something that was done to him. Sid and Leckie left very clear that he was not the one who did anything wrong and, luckily, as odd as their lawyer looked, he turned out to be someone who knew well what to do in this sort of situation. He only had to keep going.

Also, his day always turned a little better each time he was with his boyfriend.

“I've been thinking about what you guys have been working on all day.” Eugene smiled, squeezing Snafu's shoulders. “Are they still here?” Thankfully, Eugene got along with the rest of the band. He enjoyed spending time with them.

Snafu denied: “They left not that long ago, they said they were tired.”

“It took me a little more than expected to get here, yeah...”

“It's alright, Gene.” he kissed his cheek and stepped back, holding his hand. “I'll show you anyway. Then we'll go home. Sounds okay?”

“Sounds great.” Eugene nodded, walking after him. As he followed Snafu towards the elevator, he looked around. He has never been in this studio before since it was the one responsible for producing the music of Toccoa Records. It was way nicer than the one they used to produce their two albums.

“Everythin' went well?” Snafu asked, caressing Eugene's hand with his thumb.

“Well, we are working on having a solid argument.” he nodded. “I don't know what is going to be better, though.” After a sigh, he smiled again. “I'm trying to stay positive. Whatever that happens, happens.”

“Exactly.” Snafu agreed with him. “I'll be there, no matter what.” It was obvious, but he still felt like saying it.

Eugene looked down and nodded, smiling. He bumped his shoulder against his, affectionately.

In that moment, fate was about to play a nasty trick on Snafu. When the doors of the elevator opened, it was Emilia and her manager the ones that were walking out of it. She was working on a new album and while both of them asked the record label and the studio to schedule their agendas in a way that they would never bump into each other, Snafu was not supposed to be there.

Snafu blinked and stepped back, tensing his jaw. He squeezed Eugene's hand tight enough to make it hurt slightly. He winced, confused. Eugene didn't recognize her, at first. When they posted that infamous article, he saw there was a ranking of the ten hottest people Snafu dated and while he recalled the blonde woman on the picture under the title, she wasn't that girl. He didn't think so, at least, because her hair was black, straight and past her shoulders.

Emilia looked at them both and licked her lower lip. Then she raised her chin, staying in silence. She walked out of the elevator before her manager did and from that fleeting moment, Eugene could only think that she looked graceful. Like someone that couldn't be hurt or insulted easily. Like she had been through plenty and that she wasn't willing to suffer or obsess about stupid things anymore. Strong, confident. And Eugene couldn't help but think, as well, that he would want to have those qualities, too.

Snafu clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly. He released Eugene's hand and put his own over the small of his back and pushed him inside of the elevator. He pressed the button of the third floor at least four times and until the doors closed.

“Mer...?” Eugene asked carefully. Snafu looked angry and distressed. While he never met Emilia before or knew how she looked like, he could assume that only an ex could get such reaction from someone. Not that he would ever be displeased to see Rob ever again, but he knew he was lucky in that sense.

“Yeah?” he managed to say.

“Are you alright?” he caressed his arm.

“Sure.” he cleared his throat and marched out of the elevator as the doors opened. Eugene followed him closely once again.

He was far from being alright. They both entered inside of the the control room. The studio was now empty, with the lights switched off. Eugene could see Snafu's reflection over the glass as he closed the door after them. The frontman leaned over the audio mixing consomes and effect units. His shoulders were squared, his eyes wide open. He carried the same tension as someone who just woke up from a very intimate nightmare. What did they have? How bad did it get? Other than what Snafu told him about those years no one wanted to speak about anymore, he didn't know anything. Before they even kissed, Snafu felt like it was fair to let him know that he used to have a drug addiction. And that he had many problems, back in the past. Eugene decided that those wouldn't be enough to stand in the way or keep him from wanting to get him to know him any better. But he couldn't help himself, sometimes. He always wanted to know more about him. He loved him and for that reason, he wanted to know everything about him.

“Merry...” he used the nickname he was given as a child because he knew it would have an effect on him. That Snafu would understand that he was willing to look after him; be understanding and caring that he would want to share with him. Eugene touched his back and Snafu let the track of _STOPLIGHT_ play softly in the background. It wasn't quite finished yet or even arranged with his voice, they only tested the melody. But, in that moment, after seeing Emilia he was unable to let the song of his darkest moments play while he was all alone with Eugene in that small room. “Come on, look at me.”

Snafu licked his lips and turned to look at him. His jaw was tight and he brought his hand to his nose. He rubbed it and then pinched it. For a moment, Eugene feared it would start bleeding, but it wasn't that. Each time Snafu felt either targeted, insulted or simply in a bad mood, he touched his nose, as a reminder of what he used to do to quieten those thoughts and numb those emotions that made him insecure and vulnerable.

The oddest thing was the fact that Snafu was not looking at him. If he had to tell Snafu apart from any other person Eugene ever met in his life, it would be based on the fact that he always looked people in the eye, no matter how rude or intrusive that could be. “Hey...” Eugene cupped his face and caressed his cheek. “What is it? What do you need?” They could sit down, there was a small couch on the control room where he assumed they spent a good part of the day while other members of the band recorded their part and then argued what sounded better or what they could save for another song.

“What do I need?” Snafu repeated. What he needed was to release himself from that burden he has been carrying for so long. What he needed was for people to stop reminding everything that he did when an addiction was destroying. What he needed was for him to put all of that behind him; be able to forget. Or at least, if he couldn't forget, to find a way to make it stop hurting. He was no longer that person, should he keep paying the price for everything he was no longer doing? Was it fair to hold someone accountable for attitudes and habits they no longer had? When was it reasonable to let someone walk away from their past? “What I want is to snort a line as long as my forearm.” Snafu licked his lips. What he wanted was to make his brain quiet and he needed which was the fastest way to do that. But he regretted saying that as soon as he saw Eugene's worried face and how he squeezed his shoulder, blinking and looking at him nervously. “But what I need is _you_.”

He could... tame his mind. He could focus on Eugene, only. He could do that if the boy let him and then eventually forget the need and the frustration.

Eugene tilted his head, a little confused, as Snafu took a step forward. He nudged his forehead with his own, allowing the tip of his nose to caress the long line that shaped Eugene's. Snafu kissed him gently, at first. A light and fleeting contact, just enough to make Eugene blink. The redhead squeezed his elbow and kissed him back, with a little smile on his lips, hoping that some affection would keep him away from those desperate thoughts.

But Snafu knew he would have to focus on him. _Completely_. A couple of little kisses wouldn't do.

He opened his lips and wrapped an arm around him, conquering his space, forcing him to walk back until he had him trapped between his body and the wall. Eugene could look at him and saw that Snafu's eyes were dark and needy in the same way they were when they made love for the first time, begging him to make it last a little longer. And yet, while that night he pleaded, he looked like he was willing to demand today. Eugene's heart raced and he had to take a deep breath to keep everything under control.

Snafu kissed him again; this time slipping his tongue inside of his mouth, touching both his tongue and the upper row of teeth, trying to search more than anyone would find inside of a mouth. Eugene dug his fingers over his arm and turned his head to the side to break the kiss, easily feeling breathless and his lips tingling because of the roughness of it. Snafu was always passionate but he hardly took control. He often said that he liked it better when Eugene did, but this was something special. This was triggered by a situation that wouldn't happen often unless Emilia became their neighbor. It was not a lust she created, but a voice Snafu was trying to muffle. And while he couldn't and didn't want to consume anymore, he wanted to drown in Eugene.

“Mer.” Eugene breathed as the frontman kissed his jaw and nipped his chin. “Come on, we can just go home...” Snafu didn't have to look at him to know that Eugene had his eyes on the door, fearing that someone could come in.

He doubted there would be that many people left in the building. Most of them would be about to leave —like his fucking ex— or already did. The studio was soundproof and since they were inside of the control room, the light outside would warn many that they were still working in there and no one would disturb them unless it was compulsory.

And he _couldn't_ wait.

He needed him. He was all Snafu wanted to think about. How warm and tight and good he felt. And the way he looked at him, like Snafu was someone worth loving. And how his voice would break while saying his name. And how that would keep him grounded and away from doing something stupid. Snafu needed him; if not, he could easily lose his way in moments like that, when all the memories were insistently knocking at the door.

“No. _Now_.” he insisted. His lips were still over his neck and his hands touched and squeezed his waist, sneaking around him in that little space, to be able to cup and grab his behind, killing the minimal distance between them. Eugene sighed and Snafu could tell that his good judgment could be easily clouded with the right amount of pleasure. Eugene was a good Catholic boy, but after all, he was no saint. He wanted him just as much, no matter if the idea of anyone ever knowing what they were about to do made him vibrate. Snafu's voice dripped lust and it suffocated and squeezed Eugene's throat, leaving him speechless. “I can't wait, Red. You can't ask me to wait.” Thirty minutes or more would be a torture. To make his point even more obvious, he slid one leg between Eugene's and then rubbed his erection against Eugene's hip: “You see? It has to be now. I can't get on a car like this, baby.”

“Jesus Christ.” he whispered, knowing he was giving in. Because the studio was still dark, he could now see both of their reflections over the glass. Snafu was a mass of curls right under his chin, chewing and loving the skin over his neck. The shape of his body was hardly there, as he was wearing baggy and old clothes, as he usually did when he wasn't performing. He could hardly see the shape of his ass when he rocked his hips back, getting some friction as Eugene was still motionless, a little scared. His own face said it all. With his lips parted and his eyelids heavy, Eugene knew he was about to give up.

With some luck, no one would find out.

“Okay.” he nodded, quickly. Well. It was _soundproof_. No one would hear a thing and they knew Snafu was still there and no one would try to bother him. With some luck... Eugene's thoughts were reduced to Snafu and his body as soon as he started to press his thigh against his crotch. Before he could say anything, the older man kissed him. That kiss, very much like the one before, was possessive and hungry. Snafu bit his lips and licked the roof of his mouth, making Eugene arch his back and move his hands towards his back, fisting the thick fabric of his hoodie. He raised one of his feet from the ground and sneaked it behind the back of Snafu's knee, getting a better angle and cupping his ass, to feel the motion of their hips even more. Didn't take much time for Eugene to be as hard as Snafu already was.

“I love you.” Snafu said, close to his mouth. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Eugene replied, without thinking; authomatic and honest.

It made Snafu sigh and smile, like that was exactly what he needed and it stimulated his desires and need for him. He pulled Eugene's shirt out of his trousers and pushed it up to his chin along with his jumper. The skin was warm and pleasantly flushed, matching the color of his lovely cheeks. Snafu caressed his sides with his palms and kissed his chest tenderly. To feel Eugene's overexcited heart with his lips made him shiver and turned the hunger of his mouth rougher, forcing him to close it and press his teeth around his left nipple. The tip of his nose and his curls tickled Eugene but his lips and his teeth made him moan, pulling onto the delicate skin as it adapated by turning a shade darker, wanting to mirror the redness and puffiness of his lips. Snafu licked his way from one nipple to the other, leaving a thin layer of saliva that made his chest glow under the warm lights of the control room. Eugene scratched Snafu's scalp as he pulled and gripped his hair, letting his foot fall once again over the floor.

He took that chance to start crouching, pleased with the result. Eugene was already panting and his hazel eyes demanded so much more. Who was he to deny him _anything_?

“Hold it up, boy.” Snafu commanded as his knees finally touched the ground. Eugene blinked, confused. “Here, hold it up, Red.” he kept pushing those two layer of clothes, all wrinkled, up towards his chin. Eugene obeyed and took that chance to hold his hands together over the mess of fabrics. Snafu entertained himself thinking about that apparently innocent look on him. Almost _praying_. Snafu bit and sucked a dark bruise over the curve of his hip. When all of his teeth were marked, white, and the skin was furiously red, he kissed the spot with kindness. Eugene complained slightly but he fell silent once again as Snafu undid his belt with steady hands. “I wanna see all of you while I suck your cock.”

“ _Huh_.” Eugene eloquently replied.

The trousers and underwear fell over his sneakers with a little help from Snafu. He teased Eugene by kissing his lower stomach, right under his navel, caressing his thighs and letting the head of his dick touch his throat. Eugene shivered and swallowed thickly. “My boy.” Snafu's was both possessive and sweet. He was _his_ , and he would damned if he allowed anyone to stand between them. He was going to be good to Eugene; exactly what he wanted and needed. They would have a a long and beautiful story together and anyone else could go and fuck themselves.

A bit too much thinking for now.

Snafu wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock and started to suck the head slowly before he got more and more inside of his mouth with ease. He blinked as he moved the hand away, holding his hips with each hand, to keep him still and pressed against the wall. Eugene complained and trembled since the surface was awfully cold over his bare buttocks, but he quickly started to warm up when he felt Snafu's mouth around him and his tongue over the underside of his dick. That, along with the fact he looked up at him, made him feel on fire and it showed all over his cheeks and the tips of his ears. It was endearing and Snafu _adored_ that boy.

Eugene was unable to keep his eyes on him and decided to look forward. _Terrible mistake_. The glass was still willing to shame him by reflecting his actions; showing him what he decided to do. It was different to have sex in Snafu's studio, that he had in his house back in New Orleans, than to do it _here_. But Eugene didn't find the strength in him to tell him to stop. He bucked his hip forward and Snafu smacked his thigh playfully. Eugene moaned and twisted his clothes over his chest. His stomach sank after every deep breath that he took and his whole body was shaking. He could see his hair was a little messier since he rubbed the back of his head against the wall each time Snafu's moved his back and forward. He would pull his curls and try to be smart about this. Just like that one time Snafu when told him to beg and Eugene showed him that he was way more likely to do it but, in that very moment, he kept wanting to say the word _please_ for no other reason than for Snafu to hear it. But Eugene was still proud, even with his trousers around his ankles and his heart right on his throat.

His convinctions changed when Snafu leaned back, wiping his mouth and chin with the back of his hand. Eugene focused his hazel eyes on him and before he could ask him why he stopped or beg him to continue, Snafu nipped his hip again before he hummed: “Turn around.”

Eugene felt those words in his spine. He did as he was told; his legs obeyed his command but that wouldn't last long. He knew what was coming and the impact it had on him. By the time Snafu was done, his thighs became heavy and his knees were unable to keep his body straight.

Snafu bit his left buttock playfully and Eugene released his shirt and jumper, placing his hands over the wall and resting his forehead against knuckles. The fabric fell lightly over Snafu's head. He only leaned back briefly before he spread his ass cheeks. Eugene rolled his eyes back and huffed as soon as he could feel his tongue. His nails scratched the smooth surface of the wall and chewed his lower lip, to keep his voice somehow in control when he knew well it would only take some time for him to become louder the more stubborn he would get. Snafu was willing to to risk his jaw hurting for the rest of the day if it wasn't for the fact that he really wanted to fuck Eugene and the urge would overcome his plans soon. So the aim was to get him ready in the smallest amount of time possible. If he wanted more, he could always continue back home, once he would have scratched that terrible itch that came with bad memories and even worse decisions.

Eugene whimpered and moaned the more he used his tongue. At some point he even brought a hand back and grabbed the curls at the back of his head and Snafu hummed, always enjoying it when Eugene got a little demanding even now when Snafu wanted and _needed_ to have the upper hand. He wanted to see the other boy beneath him, needing him. _Just_ him, like he was important. Like he was the one he loved.

While he had that certainty with Eugene —they were in love—, no one could take that away from them but he needed to see it after the days he has been having and that unfortunate meeting.

Eugene, on the other hand, no longer controlled the words that fell from his lips. He only breathed and moaned, releasing Snafu's hair before he brushed his own back, away from his forehead. Good God, his knees were starting to feel the consquences of the tip of Snafu's tongue circling around the entrance, becoming a little less tight each time he pushed it in. The music kept playing and now he could hear a completely new melody, less sad but... But desperate and wanting. Maybe his own mood was corrupting the music, but that was the sound of Chasing the Pacific. All those songs that invited you to either let go or repeat patterns that could chain you to the past and burning melancholy.

Snafu leaned back and sucked his fingers, being as noisy as possible to let Eugene understand what was about to come. _Oh, wanted it. He needed him!_ Snafu rose and pressed himself against Eugene. “Are you ready, boy? Do you want my fingers?” The younger man had his forehead pearled with sweat as he nodded sloppily. They were still wearing too much. In fact, Snafu didn't even remove his hoodie or anything that he decided to put on that morning. It satisfied him, though, the image of Eugene dressed from the waist up but naked from the waist down. Eugene's innocence, no matter if fake at this point and more something Snafu obsessed with than a proper reality, was his favourite candy; just sweet and delicious. Something he couldn't get enough of.

He opened his lips as he began slip his finger inside of Eugene, adding some pressure but not having to force himself. He did a good work with his tongue, it wouldn't hurt one bit, considering they didn't have anything there to make it easier. “There we go. _My boy_.” Snafu had to remind himself while he fingered Eugene that they were together. That he was his because Eugene wanted to be with him. Because Eugene decided to trust him and risk plenty for him. Look at the unfair consequences he was now facing. Snafu kissed his cheek and his shoulder lovingly as Eugene breathed heavily and licked his lips, like those were coated with sugar. “I love you so much.” He couldn't shut up, now that he didn't need to use his mouth. He spoke against his neck, adding his pulse another vibration that only made it speed up. “You are all I want.” He wasn't lying. “I'd do anything for you, Red. I love you, _I love you_.”

Eugene was clearly overwhelmed. That was the reaction his partners often had when he got in that mood. But how awkward it was to say those things to someone you barely met for four or five days? He could say all of that and mean it with Eugene no matter if they've only been together for three months.

“I love you too.” Eugene could manage to blurt out, arching his back as Snafu removed his finger and pushed back inside two, this time, kindly stretching him out.

“Yeah?” Snafu pulled his earlobe with his teeth. Eugene shivered and shrugged his shoulder. “Say it again.” he commanded as he brought his left hand over Eugene's stomach, under his clothes, brushing his fingertips lightly right under his navel. Eugene barely let out the sweetest sound Snafu ever heard but that managed to swallow it and partly conceal. “Tell me, baby. How much do you love me?” And if Eugene didn't have enough with being fingered, Snafu decided he would also masturbate him, matching the movements of both of his hands. He wanted to see him melt.

Snafu barely had to wait to obtain a reaction when Eugene panted: “So much, Merry!” The nickname was now far from innocent but offered the confession an intimate touch, like he truly knew him for the person that he was and not the shadow they wanted him to be, and Snafu loved it. “Oh, my God. _Oh, Lord_. So much...!” That was what Snafu wanted when he wrote that first song about Eugene. To leave that divine devotion aside and focus on the carnality of what his relationship with him could offer. Eugene turned his head blindly, touching his cheek with his nose, trying to find his lips, not caring where those had been. Snafu kissed him as soon as he noticed that he was chasing his lips. Eugene was as hungry as he was and he wanted him as much as he did.

And there was something good in his life and he would hold onto it for as long as he could.

“I-If you don't stop... I'm going to come...” Of course he could come just like that. Snafu knew how to play him like an instrument to play the perfect melody. Each string and trick, he knew them all and Eugene felt lucky. He loved his partner and he felt thankful for having him. Even when he turned him into a delirious mess as he was, dripping precum and bucking his hips back after feeling the intrusion of that third finger.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” he fought the temptation to blink, he wanted to keep looking at him, with his forehead glued against his temple. He didn't want to miss a single thing. Every little detail of his reaction mattered.

And that was when his pride finally died and Eugene crossed one of the boundaries he imposed to himself for no reason: “ _Please_.” he nodded, his head as heavy as his eyelids. Snafu brushed the spot once again, making his thighs tremble. “Oh, please, please.”

And after that, everything became messy and a blur of movements. Snafu decided to stop holding back and if Eugene always felt a couple of steps behind Snafu, in that moment, it was _impossible_ to keep up with him. He was everywhere; kissing and touching, moving him wherever he wanted him to be and finally throwing him over the couch. Eugene fell over his back and tried to lean over his forearms, to get to see him. To have the certainty that came with touching him.

“I'm right here. I'm right here.” Snafu said after he took his hoodie and t-shirt off, throwing them aside, careless of where those two landed. He dug one knee over the couch and planted his other foot over the ground, also removing Eugene's sneakers and the clothes that pooled around his ankles. He decided to also get rid of the socks. Who the fuck left the socks on, anyway? “Lay back, baby. Don't move.” Snafu put a hand on Eugene's chest and pushed him back until Eugene laid there, still and looking up at him. He raised his shirt and jumper again and kissed the expanse of his chest and stomach, pushing his sweatpants right under his ass and leaving them across his thighs. Eugene's knees touched his ribs.

Snafu spat on his cock and coated himself properly. Now that might create a bit of discomfort, but he never heard Eugene complain. Catholics sort of deal with a little pain here and there, right? It was part of their convictions. Snafu snorted at his own horny and stupid thoughts and considered, still, that next time he will have to bring everything they might need in his wallet just in case if he bumped into past relationships again. But for that to happen, he should carry a wallet with him. Eugene opened his lips and closed his eyes as he pushed himself inside of him, now opening him properly and accepting the intrusion with a heavy and long sigh. Like it was something he has been waiting for long. Snafu stared at his face and that was what he wanted. His pupils grew bigger and he leaned over Eugene, caressing his arms and bringing them over his head, pressing his palms against his wrists. He wanted Eugene to admit everything that he loved about him. Let him know. He needed to remember that he was loved by him.

And when Snafu was as desperate as he was that afternoon, he forgot both about modesty: “Does it feel big?”

Eugene thought about laughing or even rolling his eyes, jokingly. But that was before Snafu slammed himself back inside of his body, as deep as he was capable of, and leaving Eugene breathless for a second. The pressure over his wrists became tighter, now pinning him over the couch and keeping him from moving. Eugene was his for as long as this would last. And each reaction he would get from him would come from a place of honesty. This was not pretense. He was not someone who faked being fond of him. Eugene _loved_ him. And when he looked up at him, recovering from the sudden thrust, not expecting that from him, Snafu relished on how red his cheeks were, unable to answer back.

Then, to keep toying with his shame, Snafu replied, bucking his hips back and forward, not too quick but steady, creating a deep and even pace. “Do you like it when I fuck you with my big cock, huh?”

Eugene's heartbeat was fast against his thumbs. His finger twitched and swallowed, shutting his eyes and wrapping his legs around his waist. Snafu was clearly in a special mood that afternoon. Something he didn't get to see of him, yet. But something, that as much as he felt like this was excessive, was highly arousing and quite _refreshing_ considering all the times Eugene has had sex before both with —Snafu himself and Rob—. Snafu crossed Eugene's thin wrists so he could hold them with one hand, only. He caressed his stomach and buried his face on Eugene's neck. He comanded as he started to speed up: “ _Say it_.”

The redhead let out a couple of sounds, matching the skin slapping against his flesh. He swallowed and Snafu felt his throat bobbing. All that pride and shame wouldn't be able to compete with what he was giving him. Eugene was perhaps not too loud, but his voice was clear when he said: “Yes. Yes, I _love_ it.”

He couldn't repeat the most explicit part, but it would come. _With time_.

Snafu grinned and decided let go. Give him all that he had. Eugene could take it.

It wouldn't hurt to get throughfully fucked once in a while, would it?

*** * ***

And while Eugene could take it, he still looked exhausted when Snafu leaned back, pulling his sweatpants up after tuckling himself back inside of his underwear. He petted Eugene's thigh gently, asking him to stay still. It surely didn't look like the younger man would run out of the studio any time soon. His eyes were still closed and he barely moved, his hands still over his head and breathing evenly. Snafu wiped Eugene's stomach with a couple of tissues. Jay had a cold and thankfully forgot those there. The frontman was as tender with Eugene as he was when they made love back in his own private studio.

He threw those to the trash bin and kissed Eugene's cheek, sweetly, before he hummed: “Come on, Red.” He held the back of his arms and helped him to sit up.

Eugene looked _disoriented_ when he opened his eyes. Blushed all the way to his chest. _You'd think I fucked him upside down_ , Snafu couldn't help but think before Eugene looked around, sitting on the couch and barely having the strength to move or say much. He blinked and after a couple of seconds of silence, he leaned forward to grab his socks and underwear when he almost fell forward. Snafu caught him in time and offered his help. Before Eugene could accept it, he was already putting his socks on and slidding his boxers up his legs. Eugene realized that his legs were still weak, but that he would have to make an effort to walk out of the building.

He sighed, long and closed his eyes again. _Holy shit_ , that didn't happen often to boys like him for sure. Sex was sweet and soft and he could even have the upper hand while knowing just enough because Snafu was mesmerized with literally anything he did. But now he showed him how much he knew and how much practice he had and Eugene was still impressed. He wouldn't mind to repeat, he never felt like this before. This tired, this... _pleased_. Eugene only hummed when he thought he heard Snafu calling his name: “Mhmm?”

“Are you okay?” Snafu cupped his cheek, making him look at him. Did he cross the line? Well, he crossed quite a few but none of them were set to protect Eugene. He didn't hurt him, did he? He only needed to feel him close. To show himself that Eugene loved him and accepted him as he was. That he wanted to be with him. He even sounded slightly nervous when he insisted: “Too much?” He would hold himself back if he didn't enjoy it as much as he thought he did.

“More than I am used to, yeah...” Eugene offered him a dopey smirk. “You kind of put me under, I guess...”

“Yeah? That so?” Snafu couldn't help but smile back. “So... Good, right?”

“Very good. I don't have carpet burns on my butt, this time.” Eugene joked slightly, leaning against him. “But you'll have to tell me what's happening to you.” Because there was clearly something in his mind.

“Nothin'...” he muttered, kissing Eugene's lips. Before the other could insist and ask the same question again, Snafu helped him to wear his trousers and sneakers before he stood up properly.

As they walked out of the control room, Eugene noticed that the glass between both parts of the studio was foggy.

*** * ***

Snafu was clearly going through something because they had sex again when they made it to his apartment and then refused to let him go at any moment. Each time Eugene asked if there was something bothering him —even if he already knew the answer—, he smiled and said that he loved him and that that was the beginning of their relationship. That he had the right to be clingy, if he wanted to.

Eugene was still wide awake, observing his boyfriend. Snafu was facing him, with one hand loosely holding his old t-shirt. He didn't want to let go even when he was asleep. There was _clearly_ something that was hurting him and Eugene wanted to help him. He caressed the back of his head and kissed his forehead lightly, to not disturb him. Was his relationship with Emilia so bad? It was hard for Eugene to picture since his break up with Rob was peaceful and both of them agreed that they needed something else in their lives. It hurt, sure, but it was more the fact that he felt he would eventually lose him as a friend since Eugene's life changed so much after him. He hoped he was doing well. Maybe someone he could call him or something...

Deciding to focus on Snafu, Eugene turned a little bit and reached for his phone. He made sure to bring the brightness to the bare minimum so Snafu wouldn't wake up. Then, he did something he knew he shouldn't do: he Googled his boyfriend's ex. Not because he wanted to compare himself to her. He shouldn't do that. They had nothing in common, other than being someone Snafu felt attraction and love towards. Plus, if he obsessed about it and tried to compete against her in his mind, Eugene would feel small and insecure. He won't do that, but maybe...

He licked his lips and decided to briefly check her Wikipedia page. Just to see and find out a little more about her. Better that than her Instagram, since he knew that he would find incredible photos there and Eugene would start thinking stupid things such as the fact that her nose was perfectly beautiful or how she knew how to actually pose.

Little things Eugene _lacked_.

Anyway, no thinking. Just reading. Then he will draw his conclusions and see how he could help Snafu. That's it. No insecurities, only information.

_Emilia Duarte Alberti (born June 22, 1983), known professionally as Emilia Royale, is an Argentine singer, songwriter, and dancer. She began her career as a teenager in her native Buenos Aires, singing at open mic nights and participating in dance competition shows. At the age of 18, she moved to Los Angeles and started working as a backup dancer for other artists. In 2007 she released her debut album, Welcome to El Royale. Royale has collaborated with remarkable artists from the industry, among them with Snafu, from Chasing the Pacific, with whom she had a relationship with from 2010 until 2012._

Eugene had to admit that it must suck, _big time_ , that even in your Wikipedia page, they felt the need to remind you that you dated someone you were no longer fond of.

It was very clear that didn't end on good terms but the way Snafu reacted to being asked if he would ever go back to her, it left quite clear that whatever that happened created such distance between them that no bridge and no apology could solve. Eugene meant it when he said that he didn't feel offended during that interview, but perhaps it made him feel a little bit bothered the fact that their relationship could be shrugged off so easily.

It meant _plenty_ to him. Eugene came out publicly to be able to enjoy his relationship to the fullest, among other things. He decided that living an honest life by his side was way better than waiting for his family to call for pretending to be someone he wasn't.

Eugene scrolled down, checking her biography and biting his lower lip when he reached the _Personal Life_ section. It explained that they met through Snafu's cousin, Louise LeBlanc, in 2009 but that they didn't start dating, officially, until 2010. That the relationship had plenty of _ups and downs_ and that it finally ended in 2012. And that when it did, little after that, Snafu went to rehab and she released a song dissing him called _Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition_.

 _Ouch_.

That was not a great way to end a relationship, indeed.

By the way Snafu often spoke about himself and his past drug addiction, it seemed like he was well aware of how much sorrow his problem brought to others. That he even cornered Lou and had a physical fight with Burgie when she was trying to convince him to make sure he was _healthy_. That nothing dangerous could happen to him. Eugene was sure that while he accepted a big part of the blame that came with the break up, that must have been a bit too much even for someone like Snafu, who was already prone to unfair self-imposed punishments.

He went back to the results on Google and decided to read an article that mentioned both Emilia and Snafu. He assumed that it would probably tell about his answer during the talk show. What Eugene didn't know was that she shared her opinion about it on Twitter. And to make sure it was something she actually said, he clicked on her account and the application opened.

And there was her tweet:

 **@emroyale** tweeted: _High school? Bitch??? You were a grown ass man when we dated. You've got no excuse. Move the fuck on and good luck to that boy, he's gonna need it._

Eugene got mad. That short tweet made him so mad. It was clear that the example Snafu gave to the host of the talk show was a way to let him understand how stupid it was to go back a past relationship when you were already in another and perfectly happy. Because Snafu was happy with him. He could see it and he was willing to offer him his very best. Then why try to make his answer offensive in any way when it wasn't? Because Snafu was sometimes rude and careless about what he said? So _everything_ he said had to be?

But what irked him the most was that last sentence.

People on Twitter already said that Snafu would unfaithful to him when they caught him in New Orleans. Why were they so sure? He cheated on her? They often said that _once a cheater, always a cheater_ , but Eugene also understood that judge someone for his actions when he was under the influence of drugs and struggling to keep himself alive seemed a bit unfair. He was going to give Snafu a chance. And so far, he only showed him patience and devotion. So that was complete and utter fucking...

“Bullshit.” he couldn't help but hiss, lowly.

Eugene forced himself to just go back, to keep himself from replying to her. If Snafu didn't tell him about that tweet it had to be because he either didn't want him to know or because he didn't find the moment or the words to say it. And therefore, it would be very unwise to rant and eventually have a confrontation with Emilia.

While he decided to go back to Google, the application kept him in Twitter, still. Eugene sighed and decided that maybe he should stop reading about her. He already got angry about this, so... He decided to quickly check his notifications so the icon would stop bothering him on the corner of his screen.

What he found there could only be described as disgusting. How someone could post and spread pictures and videos of someone who was clearly drugged and almost completely unaware of his surroundings was disgusting and there was no other word that could be more fitting. That Snafu was a public person, a celebrity, didn't excuse the fact that they still had this to bring it back each time he seemed to do better to remind him that he was once a _fuck up_ and a _junkie_ , as some of him called him.

Anyone who did their best to fight for their lives should be allowed to leave behind what almost killed them. _No exceptions_.

Eugene pressed his lips tightly and now it made sense why Snafu was so desperate to hear that he loved him too. Maybe he thought that Eugene saw those videos and pictures. Maybe he didn't know if he did but was far too scared to ask. This couldn't change his mind. Snafu warned him that he went through something that made his life a nightmare and Eugene accepted it. He accepted the fact that those years existed and that, like it happened today, there would be days in which Snafu would want to consume again. And maybe sex and love confessions wouldn't be enough. But Eugene would be there, for and with him. _No matter what_.

He left the phone over the nightstand, no caring about what they said, absolutely rabid about how much they dared to insult and torment Snafu just because they felt like it. He turned towards him, laying on his side. He wrapped an arm around Snafu and kissed his face. He loved him. He loved him with his entire soul and to doubt him turned his mouth taste sour. Those little kisses made Snafu sigh and briefly open his eyes, clearly not awake. He still hummed, curious and tired and Eugene whispered, with tenderness and care: “It's fine, it's fine, Merry. I love you so much, just sleep.” he brushed the tip of his nose against his cheek, caressing his back.

Snafu breathed deeply and moved closer, if possible, borrowing even more of his warmth and affection, like a little lonely cat that just found a new and welcoming home.

*** * ***

The next morning Eugene was more affectionate than ever, and instead of questioning it, Snafu decided to enjoy all the kisses, touches and the confessions that while a little awkward and somehow a little childish — _you know I love you, Merry, so much_ —, they were a blessing during those times of frustration and judgment. Perhaps Snafu was not much better himself, a little corny and overly clingy, but Eugene didn't complain at any moment and replied willingly to everything he offered him: every kiss and every smile.

Snafu was quite a happy man that morning. The pain and the humilliations were way easier to bear when he had Eugene by his side. He was like a soothing balm over old wounds that simply refused to heal.

“I have to go.” Eugene informed him after breakfast. He didn't look like he wanted to leave. His hazel eyes looked at him with guilt and his lips pressed in a tight and apologetic smile.

“That's okay, Red.” Snafu nodded, knowing that he still had plenty of meetings with his lawyer and manager. They had to be clever about this or their career could be reduced to ashes.

“But we can meet later. During the afternoon, if you want?” he said, walking around the table, standing close to Snafu's chair. “We could go somewhere.”

“I still want to show you what we recorded.” Snafu slid his hand under Eugene's jumper and caressed his waist before he leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against his stomach. Then he started rubbing to warm up his cheeks against the soft wool. “I don't think you paid enough attention...”

“Who's to blame, though?” Eugene smiled and cupped the back of his head.

Snafu looked up at him and grinned, mischevious. “That's _fair_.” he said, gently pressing his chin against Eugene. “But I want your opinion, Gene. Wanna see if you like it.”

“Are you sure?” the redhead asked carefully, smoothing his eyebrows with his thumbs and brushing off a fallen eyelash over his cheek.

Snafu blinked and hummed. How unlucky did he have to be to bump into fucking Emilia again, two days in a row? With some luck, she visited Johnny Martin and made a scene. Anything to keep them separated as they should be.

“Okay, then I can meet you there after lunch, if you want.” Eugene offered.

“Sounds good to me, yeah.” Snafu put his hands on Eugene's waist again and tilted his head up, still not standing up.

Eugene held his face with both of his hands and kissed his lips a couple of times. The frontman smiled and Eugene felt _pleased_. He wanted him as happy as he could make him and then, a little more than that. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” he replied, holding himself back from wrapping his arms tightly around his waist and not letting him go. _Ever_. He didn't feel like sharing that morning, but as soon as he could have him back during the afternoon... Snafu couldn't wait until he would get to hear Eugene probably flattering his work or suggesting ideas to improve it. He patted his waist and let him go. The redhead petted Olivier in his way out of the apartment.

He didn't feel like being alone — _did he ever?_ — so he decided to go to Bill's to spend some time with him and then have lunch, until it would be the time when he would have to meet Eugene. As soon as Snafu showed up, they started chatting about the new melodies they had been working on and Bill made a couples of jokes about the fact that he was not going to be writing lyrics. That if he did, his song would easily overshadow all of his work.

Smug little shit, he wrote _one_ song that became annoyingly succesful and he acts like he's the best thing to ever walk on Earth. Sadly, he loved that dickhead, he was one his best friends. To make some time, they both worked together as they did with _3:16_ , but this time only to entertain themselves and see if they bumped into something good they could then share with the band.

But while they were having lunch in Bill's living room, his phone started to buzz. He reached out and read the text before he frowned. “Check this out. My friend Michael,” one of his buddies from Chicago. One of the few he was still friends with and didn't turn out to be a _leech_. “sent me this: _This punk bitch won't stop being spiteful, still talking shit about the band_.” He read out loud, getting Snafu's attention. “Who can it be?”

“I don't know, we know plenty of _punk bitches_.” Snafu shrugged. Maybe they were also to blame. The convination of the two of them could be quite a something. People didn't often get their sense of humor and maybe they were a little abrasive, here and there. _Oh, well_.

“Let's see.” Bill hummed before he clicked the link. Then he cheered: “Oooooh! Our friend Anthony Peck! Mr Kathy, himself!” Maybe that nickname was a little cruel, but the anecdote when he pretended to have a girlfriend named Kathy who was a super model when that only happened in his imagination now preceded him. “Fucking asshole, he can't get over it, can he?” Bill was the one who replaced Peck in the band and he clearly didn't get to stomach that just yet. Peck has been spiteful ever since he was asked to leave —for plenty of reasons, he was damn lucky Snafu didn't beat his sorry ass—, like he was perfectly innocent and it was so unfair they did that to him.

Snafu leaned even more against Bill to get to see the video. There was their former drummer with three guys more Snafu didn't know and neither he wanted to. But from the quality of the video and where they were being interviewed, Snafu thought that maybe he was not being all that succesful. _So that's fucking Karma for you_.

“That his new band?” he snorted. “They look as bland as he does.”

“They fucking do.” Bill grinned, a little mean. He was allowed to be since he was often the target of most of Peck's stupid comments. Every two or three months, he felt like talking shit, desperate to get some attention. “Come on, let's listen to him.” The drummed suggested, feeling like they would laugh plenty about this. “Let's see how brave he is to raise his voice and say how unfair you guys were and how much the band sucks since I became part of it.” Bill pouted a bit and Snafu smirked even wider.

“ _It was out of the blue, you know? They never really told me why._ ” Peck started lying as he has been doing for the past ten years. If he was as talented as he claimed to be, you'd think he would have made it in the industry or at least not need to talk about them to get some attention. It was miserable. “ _Burgie was kinda decent about it but Snafu was a real asshole about it._ ” Of course, that was the fame that he had. “ _It made me sad. Daniel was my best friend and he didn't take my side..._ ”

“Don't talk about Hamm, you fucking bastard. Shut up.” Snafu grumbled. They all felt devastated when Hamm died so abruptly in a car accident. He was a good guy and had the patience of a saint. He wasn't Peck's friend, he only dealt with his bullshit and helped him out of the messes he got himself into for being stupid.

“Fucking hate it when he does that.” Hamm was the kind of person that was loved by anyone who met him for that same reason: because he was empathetic and always tried to put himself in other people's shoes. Not judge them. But even he felt tired of Peck's bullshit, from what Hamm told him himself back in the day.

“Stupid ass bitch. He will never make it nowhere, bein' fuckin' petty like this.” Snafu shook his head.

“ _Anyway, I feel they lost more than they won._ ” And he dismissed what he said about Hamm just like that: praising himself. “ _William Leyden doesn't bring much to the band,_ ”

“ _William_ Leyden? Okay, that's a new one.” Bill grinned, shaking his head. No one ever called him William. He was not a William. He was hardly a _Will_. “Spiteful asshole.”

“ _but if they want to rely on someone who is way less talented than I am, then that's fair._ ” he sentenced like everything he was saying was actually true when it wasn't.

“Phil Collins complex much? _Jeez_.” Snafu shook his head. How sad it had to be to believe your own lies?

“ _Burgie and Snafu are very arrogant, you know? You wouldn't expect it from Burgie, but they surrounded themselves by people who can't take the spotlight away from them._ ” They had to laugh at that. Burgie wanting to take the spotlight? Burgie, who minded his own business and gave no fucks about either popularity, parties or even how people saw him? Snafu always admired that from his best friend. How unbothered he always was about things that didn't depend on him. If he has no power over it, why obsess about it? He only saw Burgie mad a couple of times in his life: when Snafu spoke about his little brother —he got decked and absolutely deserved it— and when they got pictures of his son Little Jack on a magazine. “ _It's their style, not mine. I would rather be humble and work on my music, not depend on scandals to get some attention._ ”

They became unbearably loud because that was exactly what he has been doing since 2007. They laughed and even repeated, by memory, all the bullshit he said about them and how he tried to use every single complicated time they had, both as members of the band or as people, to get some attention to his mediocre work.

But then Peck was asked about the scandal between Snafu and Emilia that came to the surface, again, after that stupid question. So Snafu leaned forward, to hear well what he had to say about it because depending on what he would do, then Snafu would have to react to that bullshit. “ _Well... When I was in the band, Snafu already did drugs_.”

“False.” he denied. It was in 2007 and after Peck was kicked out that he started to experiment with drugs but it was still far from becoming a problem that he eventually had.

“ _And he had a very erratic behavior_.” he explained. He didn't have an erratic behavior, he didn't fucking like him. It was different. “ _He was very rude to everybody. He often insulted me and called me names but I stayed because I knew I could offer plenty to the band. I guess that the more he used, the worse he got. Emilia has the right to talk about what happened to her and if he is rude or cruel to her_.”

“You know nothin'.” They knew nothing and he was tired of being the villain. Bill wrapped his arm around him and patted his back before he squeezed his shoulder. It looked like today he won't be taking most of Peck's hatred, it was clearly aimed at Snafu.

“ _I mean, he almost tried to hit me once. It got pretty ugly._ ” Peck confessed and that was, actually, true.

“Yeah, you won't say that I almost kicked your sorry fuckin' ass because I saw you harassin' my then sixteen year old cousin.” Piece of shit motherfucker. He still remembered the whole scene clear in his head. Lou was there, happy to finally see her cousin on stage, and then he found that fucking dickhead, who was already twenty-one, asking if she had a boyfriend or if she ever had sex. He was damn lucky that Hamm held him back and that Burgie handled the whole issue, asking him to pick his shit and _leave_. They solved it in a way that they wouldn't expose Lou or that awfully uncomfortable night. Peck was lucky he didn't touch her. Snafu would have eaten him alive by just seeing one of his greasy fingers over her shoulder. “Because that wouldn't make _you_ look good, huh? Fuckin' creep.”

“ _So you can expect anything from someone like that. God knows what Emilia had to go through_.” And the silence that came after that was accusative and very uncomfortable.

“If he implies that I am abusive, I fuckin' swear to God, Bill Leyden. I'm takin' his ass to court.” That was not something he was going to play with. He was an asshole, maybe. But he never landed a hand on anyone he loved. He would cut his hands off before doing that.

“He won't dare. Not even he can be that stupid.” Bill huffed.

“ _But I feel bad for Eugene Sledge_.” Peck sighed.

“Oh, my God, bitch. Don't go there.” Bill huffed. He liked Eugene. In fact, he liked him a lot and thought that his relationship with Snafu could last. The singer was a funny even if shy guy and he got along with him. Bill would be willing to defend him from someone like Peck any day of the week. But he felt how Snafu became tense under his arm and clapped his back. “He won't.” He hoped not, at least.

“ _He doesn't look like a very clever boy, to me. I guess that's the whole thing of being so repressed, right? Maybe he has never been with a guy, before. And it's known that Snafu will fuck anyone, at this point, no matter how he looks like. I mean... That nose.”_ he grinned. _“I never listened to his music, but I don't care much about his work. It doesn't make any sense to me that someone who is gay will sing about God and all that. Like, come on. They don't like you there_.” he snorted, sounding ignorant and disrespectful. “ _Anyway, I just hope he will open his eyes and see who is he with. Who is Snafu, truly. Because he won't like that one bit. Unless he is in that kind of stuff. Maybe he doesn't mind that he will cheat on him over and over again_.” Peck laughed.

Snafu stood up abrutply, feeling angry. How did he dare to talk shit about his boy? To call him stupid, ugly and untalented?

No fucking way.

“This fuckin' asshole should have kept his mouth fuckin' shut.” Snafu hissed as he grabbed his phone. Again back to share some of his rage with the world.

“It's rich, coming from him. _Cuckold supreme_. What a fucking asshole.” Bill stood up, grabbing Snafu's arm. “Don't let him insult Eugene like that.”

Bill was not a great person for Snafu to be around when he was mad. Not because he wasn't a good friend, in fact, there were a very few out there more loyal than Bill Leyden. It was just the fact that he got as angry as Snafu and just as petty. They were quite similar and they fed each other's frustration. Both of them needed someone to calm them down, like Jay and Burgie. But in that moment they only had each other and the bomb was about to _explode_.

He was going to have that bastard _obliterated_.

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _u can talk shit about me all u want, @anthony_peck85. u can lie and pretend u were great when u couldn't keep a beat. thats fine, nothin new_

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _but u talk about my boy??? its on, bitch. first wash ur fuckin mouth. he is way more talented than youll EVER be. cleverer too, u dumb fuck_

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _what about his nose? SHUT UP. and lets not start talkin about cuckin huh? fucko. u wanted some clout??? can't do anythin for yourself?? SAD!_

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _talk about him one more time, peck. fuckin dare. u are LUCKY we will never talk about the shit you did and we finally KICKED YOU out._

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _u know what u did, don't play it like you are just a poor boy :((( and all the blame is on big bad snaf :(( fucking junkie huh?? :((_

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _next time u have a concert, let us know. we can let u play some of ur old songs. I bet the 20 people in the audience will appreciate it ;)_

 **@snaf_ck** tweeted: _till then keep ur mouth shut and dont piss me off. Stupid ass mofo, S2G, these leeches hoes hold onto fame HARD!!!_

And yet, after those tweets, he didn't quite feel satisfied. He wasn't even relaxed. That stupid son of a bitch. He knew nothing about him. He hasn't been in his life for ten years and he was still talking shit about him and stuff he didn't know about? Snafu was being pushed towards his very limit and he will end up doing something even more reckless and stupid if they didn't give him a fucking break.

His phone buzzed and instead of a reply or a notification, it was a text:

 **Red** **texted you at 2:29 PM:** I'm already here! I'll wait inside the building, alright? See you soon! Love you :)

*** * ***

Eugene put his phone back inside of his pocket as he walked inside of the building. He looked around, trying to find the armchairs and couch that would offer people like him, those who were waiting for others, a little comfort before getting any work done. Perhaps Snafu was not the only one who was going to be a little bit unlucky today. As soon as Eugene turned his head, he saw the figure of Emilia sitting on the leather couch, with her legs crossed and swaying her foot, visibly losing her patience or bored out of her mind.

Maybe she wanted to move from this studio to another or perhaps her manager was making sure that Snafu wouldn't be there. Either way, she didn't look especially pleased and Eugene thought about walking out of the building, to make sure Snafu wouldn't see her again. He didn't want him to get in that mindset again when he had such a peaceful and good morning, unaware of what Snafu just saw at Bill's house.

And neither he wanted to look insecure and like he had to antagonize his boyfriend's ex to feel good about himself. He was not that kind of person. He didn't want to be. She was someone who was in his past, even if she spoke about him through a tweet. But that didn't matter. Eugene knew what he was doing and walking away was probably the most reasonable thing to do before Snafu would get there. When Eugene was about to turn around, she already raised her eyes, looking at him across the room.

 _Oh, fuck_.

Emilia walked towards him and Eugene felt a little intimidated. He switched his weight from one legs to the other, cocking his hip to the side. Other than that, he merely stood there, waiting until the interaction would begin.

“I didn't think it was the right time to introduce myself when I saw you yesterday.” She spoke with a firm voice and her eyes all over his features. Eugene fought the need to look down. He smiled briefly and nodded. Yeah, Snafu would have freaked out. “I mentioned you in a tweet, a couple of days ago. I apologize, I got angry but I don't delete my tweets.” A new way to let others know that while you might be wrong, you'd rather acknowledge your mistake than brush it under the rug. For better or for worse.

“Yeah, I saw it.” Eugene cleared his throat and nodded. What else could he say? There was noise inside of his head, he wanted to say things, but he didn't know how to put them in a proper order, to not attack her or show that he was, perhaps, intimidated.

“I don't have anything against you.” Emilia added. She didn't smile but neither she seemed judgmental or like she was lying.

“I don't have anything against you, either.” Not her, as a person. But maybe he did as someone who hurt Snafu. Unlike her, he didn't sound sincere and Emilia noticed. She raised her chin and crossed her arms, silently asking him to explain himself. “I don't think you should have released a song about him when he was in rehab.” Eugene frowned a bit and played with his fingers. “I don't think that's fair.”

“It was not about being _fair_.” Emilia interrupted him. “Nothing about our relationship was ever about being _fair_. In that moment I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me and I did.”

“What was it about, then? If you are not fair to your partner, then who are you supposed to be fair to?”

“Don't talk to me like I am the bad guy here. You never asked him anything about me, did you? I doubt he will want to talk about it.” she snorted and looked around. “What was our relationship about? I'll tell you, Sledge. It was about sex. It was about lies. It was about getting the upper hand. That's what it was all about.”

“Then why stay in a relationship with him if he hurt you so much? If he brought the worst out fo you?”

“Because we were in love with each other.” Emilia replied and Eugene felt his heart racing. “Because we loved each other. Merriell is a piece of shit.” She ignored the displeased look on his features. “But when he gets you, he gets you _good_. You fucking miss him all the time and no one is ever as funny, as daring, as refreshing, as charismatic. _No one_.” Eugene knew that feeling well enough, by now. “And you love him and you know he's going to fuck you up and you still stay because that's better than nothing.” then she shrugged. “That is until you open your eyes. Like any other relationship.” She broke up with him and her world didn't end. She focused on her career and found other people to love. “And then I am not allowed to share my take on it? Such bullshit.”

“It's not about the song.” He didn't even listen to it. He didn't want to. “It's the moment.”

“That moment was as good as any. It was when we broke up. When was I supposed to release it? Tell me, Sledge. What's the fair thing to do?” Eugene felt mocked by the tone of her voice.

“I am not going to tell what you should have d—”

“Funny, because it looks like you are dying to do that. Well, accept you and I are very different, boy. The way you do things is not the way I do things. But it's very easy to talk, now, from your position. Tell me what would _you_ do after two years of lies and bullshit. If we start talking about the things I shouldn't have done, let's not forget about him either. Get the whole picture. He shouldn't have cheated on me. He shouldn't have lied to me. He shouldn't have done every single damn thing that he could think of to hurt me.” Emilia tensed her jaw and tilted her head to the side. “ _And he did_. A song feels like _nothing_ compared to all the suffering that he gave me.”

In a way, Eugene felt like he was acting like an asshole. If he was in a toxic relationship and someone else told him that he didn't have the right to let it in any way that he wanted, he would also feel irked, at least. But all those accusations towards Snafu made him feel defensive and wanting to leave something very clear: “He is no longer like that.”

He couldn't be when Snafu loved him the way he did. When he always looked after him and was so patient when he asked him for some time.

“Maybe.” Emilia nodded. “I am not going to take his progress away from him. He was in some deep shit, you know? And he wouldn't let anyone help him.” she sighed and shook her head. There she showed a little sympathy, but it didn't last long. “But what do you want me to say? Because he has changed, that means I have to forget what he did to me? Like it's no longer important because he is _better_ now?”

Probably not, but Eugene had to protect Snafu from her words. He was suffering, he was being targeted and reminded the person that he was. The result of a terrible addiction. The way he held onto him even after falling asleep made Eugene want to convince her that he was alright. That he was good and kind and that she had to _see_ it, even if she wouldn't forgive him. “He had problems.”

“So did I.” And by the way she said it, it was clear that she was not going to explain those to _him_. “Look.” she eventually sighed. If they got defensive, this would get even worse for the both of them. Sledge looked like a sensible guy to her and quite Snafu's type: clever, slightly taller than him, feisty even if quiet and a _redhead_. He hit the jackpot. “If you dated someone who was a fucking asshole to you, wouldn't you want to warn that one that is coming after you to save them from all that bullshit?”

Perhaps. But that was not going to happen to him. And Eugene was well aware how delusional that sounded, but the man she met wasn't Snafu. It was a corrupted version of him that lived, dependent of his addiction. He was only a servant to his uncontrollable needs.

Eugene didn't answer her question and instead, he said: “I would appreciate it if you didn't speak about him again.”

Emilia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you can't tell me what to do, Sledge. I will talk about him if he talks about me.” He didn't properly speak about her. He was not the one who mentioned her. “I won't talk about you. _Be satisfied_.”

“I don't care if you talk about me. I don't want him to suffer.” Eugene blurted out. Then he bit his lip and shook his head. “Listen, this is a waste of time. We are not going to understand each other or reach an agreement.” So he should just walk out of the building and take Snafu to either watch a movie or go grab a coffee. Anything that would keep those two from meeting again. “It was good meeting you, Emilia.” Well, it wasn't horrible either. She was not cruel to him, she was just holding onto the hatred she had for Snafu, as Snafu refused to forgive her for how she decided to treat him after they broke up. There were things that Eugene couldn't solve. Simple as that.

“Right.” Emilia shrugged a bit. “Good luck, Sledge.” She felt like she did her part. If Snafu broke his heart, then he would never be able to say that she didn't warn him. If Snafu was different now or not, it was not up for her to judge. But neither she could forget the man she used to be with and how badly he treated and how she became despicable while being with him as a response to his actions.

But good luck was exactly what he wasn't getting, that day. When Eugene was about to leave, he saw that Snafu was standing there, not very far from the door. While he couldn't hear them properly, he saw that Eugene and Emilia were talking and after dealing with Peck's video, he assumed that she told him about the things he used to do and the son of a bitch he used to be.

“Merriell.” Eugene sighed and he didn't look back anymore. He walked towards him but Snafu decided to walk out of the building and not wait for him. “Hey!” he speeded up a bit to catch up with him on the street, grabbing his arm. “Hey. What is it? It's fine. Yeah? We...” he smiled nervously, pulling the sleeve of his coat lightly. “ _Hey_.” he repeated stupidly, tilting his head forward.

Snafu denied him the kiss.

That was _bad_.

“What were you two talkin' about?” Snafu asked, still looking away from him, swallowing thickly.

“Nothing. I just met her. Let's go get a coffee. Or watch a movie. My treat.” Eugene squeezed his forearm warmly, still trying to find his eyes.

“What? Was she tellin' you the piece of shit that I was? That I am the worst boyfriend someone could have? That I snorted coke in public and gave no fucks about it? That I cheated on her? That I did everythin' that I could to push her away? Because those aren't lies, y'know? That's the fuckin' _truth_ , if you want to hear it so desperately.”

Eugene couldn't lie to him. He was unable to say that wasn't what they spoke about. So it kind of confirmed Snafu's suspicions. And he felt a little bit betrayed. If Eugene wanted to know more about him and how he was, he only had to ask him. He would be sincere to him even if he really didn't want to think about those times in the slightest.

“Right. That's fuckin' grand.”

“Mer. Let's just go home, okay? Let me explain.” Eugene insisted again, stepping closer and getting in his space. He didn't mean to hurt him. He only wanted Emilia to leave him be. But he was asking for impossibles; he couldn't stop the rejection someone could feel towards the one that hurt them so intimately.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Eugene.” Snafu finally said, releasing himself from Eugene's grip. He didn't want to talk with Eugene. Not after the day he had. No after the pressure he has been dealing with. “You've done _enough_.”

*** * ***

Eugene didn't dare to go after him. He stood there, in the middle of the street, like an _idiot_. After thinking for a few minutes, attempting to find a solution, his first idea was to call Alma. She helped him when he didn't know how to let Snafu understand that he needed a little time to be able to take the right decision. Now he felt like Snafu would need her way more than he did. So he kept thinking, with his phone in his hand. He decided to call someone who knew Snafu almost as much as his mother did.

When Lou picked the phone, Eugene directly asked: “Are you in Los Angeles?”

“Yep! Do you need me to make you look extra good, Eugene?” she seemed to be in a good mood. She offered herself during Christmas to dress him up, if he ever wanted to or was in a rush and couldn't get a suit.

“I had an argument with Merriell.” Eugene ignored her question. Then, he felt like he had to correct himself: “Well, not an argument. But I think I made him angry.” It was not like they started screaming at each other in the middle of the street. But that was the very first time he made Snafu upset and he didn't know how to handle it.

“Oh.” she replied. “What happened?”

“He caught me talking with Emilia.”

“What? How do you even know Emilia?”

“I bumped into her in the studio.”

“Why were you talkin' to her?”

“She came to me. I couldn't just turn my head, could I?”

“You sure could have, but I guess that's just not the way you are.” Lou sighed. “And he caught you?”

“Yes...” Eugene chewed on his lower lip, unable to wait for her to keep talking. “Where are you? Can we meet?”

“At Burgie's.” Ever since they had Logan, they all have been visiting him as often as possible. Eugene couldn't blame them, he was such a lovely little baby.

“Would he mind if I come over?”

After a little silence, in which he heard them talking, she answered: “Not at all. See you in a bit!”

In less than twenty minutes, Eugene was walking inside of Burgie's apartment after he greeted Florence at the door. He sighed as soon as he saw Lou sitting on the couch, with Logan in her arms, as if saying: _I'm in big trouble, please please please, help me_.

That seemed to amuse her —that she was so desperately needed— so she hummed: “C'mon, c'mon, tell cousin Lou what happened.”

“I messed up!” Eugene huffed, taking his coat off and sitting down by her side, imposibly close, pressing his arm against hers and caressing Logan's cheek with a finger. “I wasn't saying anything bad about him, I promise! But he assumed I did and I... And he said: _leave me alone_.” Maybe the way he explained that made him sound childish but he was no expert in relationship and it showed.

“How ruthless of him.” Lou snickered. She heard way worse from her cousin's mouth. “Lucky you, Eugene, because you are now talkin' to someone who is an expert when it comes to love matters.” Before Romie, she never had a relationship. So perhaps she was not an expert, but someone who was fortunate enough to find him.

“Oh, is he?” Florence hummed making Lou pout, joining them in the living room. “Aren't you the girl who had a crush on my husband when she was... uh, fifteen, sixteen, maybe?” she asked, with a smile on her lips. By the way Lou grumbled, Eugene could tell that was something they brought up more often than she would want them to.

“We don't talk about that.” she mumbled.

“We do talk about it, _sometimes_.” Florence looked at Burgie, who smiled, just as entertained. “Do you remember how cranky she got when she met me?”

“I was fifteen, when I met him! Any girl of fifteen is easily impressed!” And her cousin didn't have friends, so she had to eventually have a crush on someone, right? She couldn't be blamed for thinking he was cute and then pretending that the world was coming to an end when she found out he had a girlfriend.

“A brat wanting to steal my man.” Florence shook her head, chuckling. Eugene knew Lou a bit by now and it was curious how she was usually the one to embarrass her cousins and yet how easy it was for Florence to make her blush and pout.

“Don't be mean, Florence. She still has a chance, huh?” Burgie kissed his wife's cheek before he sat also down by Lou's side, wrapping his arm around her. Lou blushed even more, mortified and hating she ever dared to have a crush on someone who was kind to her and rather good-looking. She didn't even tell him. In fact, she never did anything, only observe him and become very quiet each time he spoke to her. But Snafu couldn't keep a secret for the life of him and decided to tell Burgie himself so they could make fun of her for many years to come.

“Can we talk about Eugene and Emilia, now?” Lou practically begged. “I have the feelin' it's way more important. Plus, you know you won, Florence. I am holding your second son with Burgie.”

“You are damn right, baby girl.” Florence grinned from the armchair.

“And my boyfriend is super handsome and cute. So I don't want your husband! Thanks!” she insisted as Burgie laughed, fondly. Lou kind of become a little sister to both him and Florence. And God forbid they would ever stop teasing her. “Okay, Eugene. _Continue_.”

 _God gracious, finally_. “So! Yesterday I met Merriell in the studio during the afternoon and we saw Emilia. And he got very tense and then he just... Well, it was a bit strange, but we stayed in the studio... for a while.” he cleared his throat.

“Doin' what?” Lou asked.

Eugene blinked rapidly. “ _Talk_.”

“Right...” Lou frowned a bit. Then she sighed and denied: “I should have known Merry would convince you to do _gross stuff_.” She knew her cousin very well and, sadly, the three of them caught Snafu in a compromising position more than once. It wouldn't surprise any of them at this point anything that Eugene would want to confess.

“We just talked!” Eugene lied, raising his voice a bit. “About... _things_.”

“Oh, my God.” Florence snorted.

“And!” he forced himself to keep talking, ignore the fact that maybe they knew he wasn't telling the truth. “At night, I checked my phone and I saw that people were... That people were uploading on Twitter of videos when Merriell... _Well_.” he licked his lips. “When he wasn't doing so great. So I guess that's why he was so... clingy? So needy. I don't know how to explain it.”

“Yeah, we know what you mean, Eugene.” Burgie nodded, brushing his thumb against the soles of Logan's feet tenderly. “Snafu hates being alone. Even more when he's shaken.”

“But... How bad was it?” he finally dared to ask. “With Emilia, how bad was it?”

“It was pretty bad.” Burgie replied. “Not at first, of course. It was around 2010 when they started dating _officially_ ,” before that, they had a strange something neither of them wanted to give a name to. “and we thought that maybe Snafu would see in her a reason to stop doing drugs.” And then he denied: “But he didn't.”

“We don't really know if Emilia did drugs too or not.” Lou added. “But she clearly wasn't okay. She was overwhelmed with her career and the notoriety she gained and they kind of become this _hot couple_ or whatever.” Eugene kept himself from thinking that they would never get called that no matter if he was dating someone as attractive as Snafu. “But I know Merry, and instead of seein' her as someone he could trust, he was desperate for her to fall out of love with him.”

“Why?” Eugene frowned.

“Because he wanted to have a reason for keep doin' drugs not a reason to quit.” she explained. “He was not okay, Eugene. He didn't think clearly and he felt so alone, all the time. He pushed people away and he... He was very unlike himself. Merry is messy and annoyin', but he was never careless or cruel. And when he did drugs, he was. But she loved him and she wanted to be with him through the good and the bad times, I guess.”

That matched what Emilia told him. “How... did the cheating start...?” he whispered, brushing the collar of his shirt.

Lou looked at him, almost scared. “No, no. Eugene, don't think that. He wouldn't do that to you. He loves you so much.” She could see how happy he made him. Now, for Eugene to start doubting or wanting to step back, it would be devastating for Snafu.

“I just want to know.” he shook his head. He couldn't and wouldn't think he would cheat on him. Snafu has been truthful and kind to him so far and therefore, he shouldn't focus on things that might never come. “I am just curious. She seemed to be hurt by it.”

“Progressively.” Burgie answered for her. “Back then, plenty of people wanted to be with Snafu and the only way he felt like he mattered to someone was by sleeping with them. They approached him and he didn't push them away, and Emilia saw that. So she decided to pay him back. So maybe it began with just flirting or playing around and it ended the way it ended. And that's not even the worst part. They told each other, so it would hurt even more.”

“It was like a competition to see who could get meaner.” Lou explained. “And it never ended. There was always somethin' left to do or say and... Well.” she sighed. “When they finally broke up for good it was a bit of a relief, really. But then Merry had his overdose and like... A month or so after he started his treatment, she released the song.” And there she sounded hurt, too. It truly wasn't a fair move, no matter how bad their relationship was. “We didn't tell him, of course. But he found out when he came back home. And it's funny because when we visited him,” she looked at Burgie. “he looked like he wanted to apologize to her.”

“Yeah, he told us a couple of times.” Burgie nodded and Eugene couldn't help but think how hard it must have been for them to go and visit someone they loved so much to rehab, seeing them struggling and fighting to leave those dark years and behaviors behind them. “And he would have. But the song...” he shook his head. None of them thought it was classy or even appropiate. Maybe if the same question was asked to Emilia's friends, their answer would be completely different. It was hard to be objective when the situation was so personal.

“But Eugene,” Lou looked at him again. “you don't have to think that might happen to you. Merry is no longer like that. You are not Emilia and neither you are in the situation she was. He loves you. _So much_.” Eugene smiled lightly. “And I guess that he was overwhelmed. He saw you with her and thought that she would try to convince you of somethin'.”

“I love him. And I don't want him to suffer. He fought so hard to be where he is. And I want him to know that I am proud of him. And that no one can change my mind.” Eugene confessed. “But he left and I...”

“He only needs to clear his mind.” she replied. “For a little while. He will be callin' you soon enough. I'm sure Bill will cheer him up.” Lou finally smiled, convinced of her own theory.

Eugene looked a little confused by that. “He didn't come with Bill. He was alone.”

“But he was with Bill this mornin'.” she said.

“He wasn't there when I met him.”

“So he's alone, now?”

“I... guess so?” Eugene tilted his head to the side.

Lou got visibly uneasy. “ _Shit_.” Burgie reached out to take Logan from her arms before she stood up. “Okay. Fuck.” she looked around until she spotted her coat.

“What? What is it?!” Eugene got nervous by her reaction, standing up as well.

“Nothin'! Nothin', it's just...” she was already wearing it and putting her gloves on: not wasting time. “I don't want him to be alone. Just in case.”

“Just in case?” he insisted. What did he do? Did he trigger something, without noticing? “What do you mean?”

“Don't worry about it, Eugene.” Florence also stood up, walking towards him, placing a hand on his arm. “Sit down.”

“Don't tell me not to worry, I will worry even more!” It was known that Eugene didn't handle stress all too well. “Do you think he can relapse? Because of what I've done?” he panted, his eyes open wide.

“No!” Lou shook his head. “No, that's not what I am thinkin'! But I don't want him to be alone when he is shaken. He has a bad time, alright? That's all!” But Eugene didn't look much calmer. “Relax, Eugene! You haven't done anythin' wrong!”

“Then let me go with you!”

“He is cranky, now! As soon as he calms down, I will call you so you can make up, alright? I promise!” she walked towards him again and rested her hands on his shoulders. “Trust me, it's fine. But I know my cousin well. I can calm him down, I know how.” And so will Eugene, with time. But now he was frustrated by something _he_ did. Eugene furrowed his eyebrows. “I'll call you, Eugene.” she repeated one last time before she kissed his cheek and rushed out of the apartment.

Eugene deflated and felt Florence's arm around him and Burgie telling him that he didn't need to worry. That everything would be _fine_.

*** * ***

Eugene texted Lou so many times that night that the girl eventually called him to let him know that everything was okay, but that her cousin was composing a song and that he needed a little time. That as soon as he would get off that... strange an obsessive trance he got in when he created, that she would call him. And Eugene, being an artist himself, had to understand that the process of creating a song could be quite abducing to the point that the best thing you could do was simply write it down and then focus on anything else.

In the end, Eugene received the very expected call the following day, late during the afternoon. She said that she was leaving and that she could finally talk to him. That Snafu was no longer mad but that he was still a little sensitive about the whole issue. That he should take it easy and try to understand him.

So Eugene kept her advice in mind when he shifted in front of the door of Snafu's flat after he knocked at the door. He brushed his hair properly and behind his ears, even if it wasn't long enough. His heart was right on his throat and that had to mean that he was absolutely in love. The idea of causing him pain or being without him ruined his day. Even Leckie agreed with Sid when the blonde said that he was _super crabby_ , today. Well! He missed his boyfriend and he wanted to make amends and make sure that people would give him a break from all that bullshit they put him through.

As soon as Snafu opened the door, Eugene sighed and pressed his lips tightly together, expecting a reaction to know how he should react.

Snafu leaned a bit against the door and mumbled: “Hey, Red.” And then extended a hand towards him and before he could even touch his coat, Eugene already crossed the threshold and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“Oh, God.” the redhead breathed heavily. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I barely spoke to her. I think you are great. I didn't want you to feel attacked. I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be there. I wanted to leave before you made it back. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I know it's been very hard for you, lately. I'm so sorry!” he blurted out, quick and nervous but honest as he could be. And Snafu could clearly see that because he rubbed Eugene's back, hoping that would ease him a bit. “ _Merriell_.” He looked at him, with barely any distance between their faces. “Oh, my Merry.” he gasped and pressed kisses against his face, being the most affectionate he ever allowed himself to be with any man he ever felt attracted to. But he loved him. He loved him beyond words and that's where tenderness became his new language.

Snafu closed his eyes and enjoyed those kisses in a way that they felt like they could cure _anything_. Anything that hurt stopped when Eugene showed his love towards him like that. He fisted his coat and let out a little noise that was both sad and yet grateful. He nudged his forehead against Eugene's cheek, silently begging for more. He waited so long to have something like this. He waited even more to allow himself to feel like he deserved it. Eugene's lips moved up towards his forehead and he cupped the back of his head with both of his hands, allowing his fingers to disappear among those wild curls.

The door was closed with a simple move of a hand that wasn't enough to break the embrace. Snafu walked backwards, still refusing to let him go and Eugene didn't find the serenity, either, to stop kissing him. He loved him. He was proud of him. He admired him. He wanted to be with him and all those things were still in the back of his mind, encouraging him to offer more and more kindness. Even more when Snafu accepted it so _desperately_.

Snafu allowed himself to fall over the couch and brought Eugene with him, wanting to feel his weight on top of him to understand that he had him. That things might be unfair and hurtful, but that he had him and that was more than he ever had. He held onto his waist firmly and looked up at him with pleading eyes. Eugene caressed his cheeks with his thumbs and kissed his lips, slow and smooth.

Snafu breathed and used the nickname that he gave him. The child Eugene used to be would have blushed and gotten angry over someone pointing out the color of his hair, but now, he couldn't find a color he liked more than the one Snafu used for him. He sat properly over his lap and allowed Snafu to rub his face against his neck as he removed his scarf, leaving it aside.

“I've missed you.” Not because of the time, they barely spent a day apart. It was the moment. Snafu needed him more than ever when many wanted to target him. “I've had a couple of shit days, Gene. Y'know? It was _bad_.”

“I know.” Eugene nodded, massaging Snafu's shoulders. “I saw what they said on Twitter.” And the frontman became tense because that implied that Eugene saw those videos and pictures of him at his worst. When nothing mattered, just getting another hit. “It was wrong. It was disgusting, they shouldn't have done that.” To obtain entertainment out of someone's addiction was _despicable_.

Snafu parted his lips and looked up at him, clearly worried. “Aren't you...” he barely knew how to finish that sentence.

Eugene shook his head. “No, you were in such a bad place, Mer. I admire that you could pull yourself out of that.” he kissed his temple and ran a hand through his curls.

Snafu didn't look all too convinced. “Lulu told me you spoke to her, yesterday.” Eugene nodded. “That you wanted to speak about... Emilia and all that.”

“Not because of what you think.” he sighed. “I want to know everything there is about you, Mer. So I can accept the flaws and love every virtue.” Eugene confessed. “But I don't dare to ask you about certain things. I don't want you to suffer. Not anymore, you've been clean for longer than three years. That should be enough.” For him, for everybody. It absolutely was for Eugene.

“I'm so tired...” Snafu whispered, with his head on Eugene's shoulder. “I'm so tired. It doesn't feel like I have the right to move on. They bring it back every single fuckin' time and I...” he swallowed thickly. “I can't go back. I can't erase what I did. How I treated others. How...” he took a second to keep talking. “I did hurt people and sometimes willingly. And I accept that I am the one to blame for their pain.” And not only the people he was cruel to, but the people who suffered the consequences of his addiction. “But how come no one cares when they hurt _me_? How come it's fair and right to hurt me because I did drugs?”

“It's not.” Eugene shook his head. “It's _not_ okay.” It didn't matter if it was Emilia, the press, social media... He didn't care. He didn't think it was right. Now when Snafu ended up like this: absolutely miserable and thinking they wanted him to go back to past and deathly habits.

“Do you know what it is to see your fuckin' face on a magazine, snorting cocaine, and for the whole article to be about if you are going to be part of _The 27 Club_? Because that shit happened to me, Red.” Snafu closed his eyes and flared his nostrils, only the memory of it opened wounds and made them hurt. Anything seemed to be fair because he was a fucking joke. “And to worry that your mother and grandmothers might find out? Because that was what worried me. That they would know. And then...” Snafu's voice broke and huffed. “I can't undo what I did. You don't want your boyfriend to be an former addict?” Eugene shook his head and whispered that didn't matter to him, but Snafu kept talking: “That I can't change. But what I can change... What I _changed_ is the way I treat people. I need you on my side, Red. I'll be good to you. I promise. I'll be good and I'll take care of you and...” a couple of tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I love you just the way you are.” Eugene used his caring fingers to wipe those tears away. _Oh, no_. He couldn't see him suffering. He couldn't stand it. “With everything you overcame and with all the challenges that are still ahead you. _I'm here_.” He would help him with whatever he might face. He would be there when he would feel tired of the judgment or when he would simply lean on him to take a break.

“I've been through so much shit.” And when he said it this time, it sounded like he realized how unfair it was. The rejection he had to face as a child outside his family; the situation of complete poverty after Hurricane Katrina; the homesickness of leaving his family behind that eventually became the beginning of his drug addiction; the need to prove himself that he wasn't alone; the fact that people loved him by what he seemed to be and not what he was; the mindless sex and the abuse; the fame and the overdose; those terribles months in rehab. And if that wasn't enough, he came back to the industry and the album that was released during his absence was dismissed because they didn't want to listen to him. _Everything_. Just everything. He needed a break from all that shit. He needed to have something good. Didn't he deserve some happiness? Some peace? “And I am tired of it. You are the best thing that happened to me in... fuckin' forever.” he snorted and shook his head as Eugene kept wiping his tears. “The idea of losin' you terrifies me. Or that you'll be disgusted by what I did. I wasn't... Not all the time, I...” he wouldn't give him an excuse just the explanation he already heard.

“I could never be disgusted by you.” Eugene touched Snafu's chin so he would look up at him. “I love you.” he smiled a bit. “It happened, now we have to deal with it.” Eugene tried his best to lighten the mood with a joke.

Snafu smiled back, mostly because the boy was good and kind and _his_. Wasn't that enough of a reason to smile?

“I guess...” he breathed, again resting his head over his shoulder. Eugene caressed his back and looked at the coffee table. At some of their conversation, Olivier decided to join them, without disturbing them but hoping they would offer him some attention. He smiled at the animal and spotted the old notebook, with lyrics scribbled over the stripped page. From that position he could only read the title with big letters — _SHADOW KING_ — and then a single sentence that was revealing enough — _All these empty rooms and bleak smiles; my shadow grows_ —. Loneliness and pretense; that spoke volumes.

Eugene kissed the crown of his head one last time and said: “Give me a second so I can take my coat off. Then we can cuddle as much as you want.”

He could tell him about the song later. There would be plenty of time for Snafu to show him what he has been working on, lately. Also, it didn't look like Snafu would want to do any other thing than holding him for as much time as he could.

**APRIL, 2017**

The following months were calmer than expected.

Emilia didn't tweet anything more because Snafu didn't mention her; either on social media or when he was caught by reporters or paparazzi in the the streets. That was an invisible line he was not going to cross ever again. Some people can't make amends with others for the simple fact that allowing themselves to still be mad proved that, after all, they loved themselves enough to understand they didn't deserve to be hurt. Peck, on the other hand, didn't give another interview or replied to Snafu's tweets because he was too much of a coward to confront the truth. Snafu knew that in a couple of months he would be back again on his bullshit and trying to tell lies that he hoped people would be able to see through.

Eugene's interview didn't bring him more consequences, the _problem_ they had with the record label was more than enough. He didn't get a call from his mother or his brother, that maybe silence was better than anything else, at this point.

Life progressed and to make sure Snafu wouldn't end up feeling so defeated, Eugene made him promise that each time he dealt with something like that, that he would call him or tell him about it, so he could help him or distract him. It was the only option, because when Eugene suggested deleting his Twitter account, Snafu paled like it truly was the end of the world.

Snafu kept working with the band on their new music and while they managed to compose four songs, he decided to wait until Eugene would have his last meeting with the record label and their lawyers to go back to Johnny Martin's office. Because they did such an asshole move and that would put them in such a bad and judgmental place when comes to their target audience and the press, they decided to do this as quietly as possible, probably wanting to avoid a trial and pay the band a compensation and just _let them go_. Wanting to sabotage a band's career because their lead singer publicly came out as gay was not a good look.

His eyes didn't look away from the man behind the desk at any moment. He hummed, pleased, as rubbed his chin during _SPOTLIGHT_ , since that was a song that reminded to their old style. It could have been a song that would have fit perfectly in _BABY BABY BABY_ , that as Johnny reminded Snafu a few of months ago, was their last album that was _truly_ succesful. Then came _OUT OF LINE_. It was a bit uncomfortable for Snafu to hear it and to be judged for something he wrote during rehab and about the consequences of his overdose. But he could take it because in that moment Jay leaned against him, like he was just tired but when he was trying to, in fact, show his support and let him know how important it was for all of them that Snafu finally decided to open up. Johnny Martin scribbled something and then continued with _SHADOW KING_.

He would have to flatter the band until the very last of his days because that song was a damn mess in his head when he began to write it. After the consequences of wanting to start brand new and plenty of people not allowing him to, almost expecting him to go back to his old habits, they managed to put some order into it. Give it a proper sound and comfort that would allow Snafu to sing about it and slowly detach himself from that person that he was. Slow and sad, the words and the beat showed the need of a second chance and Johnny said: “This will work well as one of the singles.” Burgie patted Snafu's knee and he nodded stiffly.

And finally, the song they composed after the whole nightmare. It all began with Bill jokingly singing during Snafu's 32nd birthday their now overused _Baby baby baby_. And Jay said that some people would have never expected to hear Snafu singing that song again because they wanted to bury him so bad it was ridiculous at that point. _BACK TO THE CHARTS_ wasn't only a song about victory and coming back stronger than ever, it was also a jab to those who expected him to fail so Snafu let them know exactly with that very sentence: _You didn't think I'd be back to call you baby baby baby?_

The instrumental part was energetic and long enough to let their audience dance and feel like they were back for good and with the album they deserved. “Okay, yeah. This is the first single for sure.” It was always wiser to keep a slower song for a second single and start with something catchy and that people would want to listen over and over again.

“Let's talk, now.” Johnny informed them when the fourth song came to an end. “I'm happy with your work so far.” Bill hummed and raised his chin, looking smug as he could be. “And I expect you to make at least six more songs by the end of the year.” That must mean he wanted to release the album as soon as possible. Maybe next year, during the first half of it, if everything went accordingly.

“That's so much work...!” Jay sighed dramatically.

“It's your job.” Johnny replied, far from taking him seriously.

“Does Burgie get a free pass? He already made an LP last year.” Snafu commented, to calm his nerves. If he didn't want him to do that kind of jokes, he shouldn't have named his son Logan Prescott. The guitarist snorted and smiled, unable to not feel kind of proud of his little baby.

“I want you four to work _hard_ or I will call Haldane myself.” he warned. “Do we have a name for the album?”

“Red.” Snafu replied, instantly. “Non-negotiable.” He already told the band the reasons behind doing this album. And if could find the strength to do it, it was because he had Eugene. If not, he would have kept releasing albums like _YOURS_ that while being good, were also easily forgotten. The album was dedicated to Eugene because Snafu was in love with him and because this was the work he did so he would be also given a proper chance in the industry. _No one puts Gene in a corner, huh?_

“This is super corny.” Bill mumbled mournfully.

“Shut up, Bill Leyden. Find a girl you can keep and then write her songs, until then let me do my thing, huh?” he spoke with his eyes still on Johnny. The man finally nodded as if saying: _fine by me_. They didn't have any sort of pattern for naming albums and it wouldn't be the first time they use a color. It was short and easy to remember. People would be able to search for it and find it just fine. “Right, the—” Snafu was about to keep talking when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. _Perfect timing_. “I need to take this, it's Eugene.”

“Tell him they are paying for first rounds until 2018, at least!” Bill said as Snafu walked out of the office.

“Gene.” he said as soon as he closed the door behind him. “How did it go?”

“Well! As we expected!” Eugene answered, sounding somehow relieved. “At least we won't have to see those assholes again. And they won't put their greasy hands on our next album.” Because he was pretty sure that they would have tried to censor some lyrics or barely promote their album as a punishment for trying to take them to court. “If there is one...!”

“Of course there's going to be another album.” he still didn't find the moment to tell Eugene his little plan for The Old Breed. He could only hope he would take it as a way to help and not because he thought Eugene wouldn't be able to get a good deal. They were talented, no matter how much shit Snafu spoke about them last year.

“I mean, we could always finance it ourselves. Mer, you have no idea how much money they have to pay us.” And Eugene lived very comfortably as a child, he wasn't easily impressed by money, but that was _insane_.

“Yeah? That much?” Snafu raised his eyebrows, biting his lower lip. “You left those bitches dry?” As he should, for wanting to end his career.

“Practically!” Eugene laughed. “I mean, we are going to split it. But...” he doubted for a second. “I am thinking that maybe I could sell my apartment and buy a house. Here in Los Angeles, for whenever we might need it.” We, plural. Snafu noticed that detail. “Since you always let me stay at yours...”

“You want to buy a house for _us_?” Snafu couldn't help but ask, thrilled.

“I mean! I spent so much time at your flat, lately, it's almost like we live together... But if you don't want to live with me, you only have to say it!”

“I want to live with you, though.”

“...Good.” Snafu could tell that Eugene was blushing. Poor boy, he barely knew his way around these sort of situations. “Like that we are even. I have a house in Los Angeles,” because there was no way he was going to back to Mobile and because they needed a place to stay for their job. “and you have a house in New Orleans.” Where Eugene felt so comfortable and welcomed by his family, “That's... And that's how we are going to live our life, I guess.”

“Not bad, huh?” Snafu smiled, leaning his back against the wall. He blinked and turned his head when he heard someone else walking out of the office.

“It's Eugene Sledge?” Johnny asked, gesturing at the phone. Snafu nodded silently. “Let me talk to him for a second.”

“Sure.” Snafu muttered as he handed him the phone.

“Sledge? This is Johnny Martin, from Toccoa Records.” he briefly introduced himself. “Snafu told me you've been having problems with your record label.” Snafu heard Eugene saying that he currently didn't have one to back them up. “Well, why don't you guys come over? I think I have an offer you'd like to consider.”

“Really?” Eugene breathed and that made Snafu smile.

“Really. I'll be waiting for you, okay?”

“Yes, absolutely! We can be there in ten minutes!”

“Wonderful. I'll see you in a bit.” And then Johnny simply returned his phone to Snafu and nodded. The frontman patted his arm, grateful that he fulfilled his promise.

“Eugene.” Snafu said, to let him know he was back on the phone.

“This is insane!” Eugene gasped. “Oh, my God, Merriell. Did you hear that? I _can't_ be that lucky! Impossible!”

“C'mon! Don't jinx it, boy! Come over, get your new contract and then we can go and celebrate! Bill Leydren already promised to milk you guys dry.”

Eugene laughed and said: “We are on our way! I love you!”

“I love you too.” Snafu replied before he ended the call and nodded at himself.

What a fucking wonderful day.

**Author's Note:**

> My idea is to write a fourth and a final part of this series someday. Soon, hopefully! I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to let me know what you thought!


End file.
